wow - march.

jan 1-march 7 has been quite a trip.

But for now, I am going to try to just put words around the last week.

R and I bought a house last Wednesday, and thanks to TONS of help Friday and Saturday - we are moved in! Pretty amazing to be in my own home! We loved our last home in VA, but it was always a rental... ya know? So crazy for this to really be ours.

The one phrase I am sure I heard 1 million times was "you aren't doing too much are you?" Ummm... well... sure, of course I am. Since finding out I was pregnant back in September, we have had a job change, moved 5 states away, spend 10 weeks living with my parents, moved into our own home, gone through several weeks of R's training during day shift - - - -- - and now are testing out night shift (ew) - - -

Sunday we were still unpacking. R was on his first night shift - I was feeding Josiah his cucumbers and microwaving my left-over pizza and my phone rang. (yeah, his food is more healthy than mine sometimes :)) It was my sister with horrible information.

My dad was on his way home from church on his motorcycle and was hit by a driver in a truck. The driver drove off. A man from our church saw it happen, but didn't realize it was dad. A long string of events came afterwards - - - but that isn't what I am writing about.

I am so amazed at the way the people have been there for my mom and dad. Jon and Brantley, Jen and Andy, Ronnie and I were all as fast as possible doling out kids and heading to the hospital that night - and we were actually not the first ones to get there to be with mom.... by the time we came out of the little consult room - around 50 people from the church had driven the 40ish miles to come support mom... and dad.

The moment of the evening was when one of the men wanted to have people to pray - and there, in the ER waiting room - - having many other people around us - they all stood, held hands, and prayed for my dad's healing. Pretty crazy. Pretty overwhelming. Absolutely amazing.

Watching people pray, having them help with kids, seeing the food being organized, knowing people are doing all they can to help - just absolutely amazing.

It is hard to comprehend the callousness of the driver of the truck - the basic lack of respect for humanity is hard to imagine. But in the grand scheme of things - this one heartless jerk's actions of hitting my dad and then leaving him on the roadside to die has been so overshadowed by the love and care of those that love my parents.

He is home healing now. There is a long physical and emotional recovery coming up - but we are all so thankful that he is going to be ok - - and is recovering as well as possible.

So, there ya go - the last 7 days. A rollercoaster of large proportion. Yeah, I'm doing too much - - but the little princess is still kicking regularly... I feel great... her room is NO WHERE NEAR READY! but God is good and we are moving on.

quick glance back - and keep one foot in front of the other.

Well - I could/should go back to review the monthly adventures of 2011.... but I think I am just going to hit some highlights and move on.

Early in the year I had a blast running and racing - I ran three races in 2011 and got three trophies. Pretty cool stuff. Also had fun running with a good friend during the week - it provided such fun times just figuring out how to set our schedules to manage the kids etc. etc.

In the spring we found out that I was pregnant. This slowed down my running for a few months, but unfortunately in June, we realized that we were having another miscarriage. June has been a tough month for my pregnancies for sure!

In July we had a blast celebrating baby J's first bday party. He had a party in Alabama and also in Virginia - with good friends and family around us. He learned to walk just a few days later and is now learning to communicate with his word count being around 40 active understandable words! and a lot of sentences that we don't understand AT ALL! but he is just so cute when he starts jabbering. He walks and talks from the minute he wakes up to the minute he goes to bed right now.

In August, we got yet another positive pregnancy test.... and I will talk more about that shortly. All seems to be going well still with the little princess.

In November, R took a job in Alabama.... soo, the week before Christmas we loaded up the truck (thanks to good friends in VA) and moved our stuff down south. We unloaded into a storage building and are temporarily living with my family.

So.... those are the highlights.
Now, for what we believe is coming in the next few months!

We are looking at houses. We have already gone looking with the realtor in the last week and met with the lender as well. We are trying hard to buy our first house!! WOW.... growing up is kinda crazy. We have a few options and hope to be making offers soon... overwhelmed doesn't being to describe it.

We also are trying to prepare for the arrival of the little princess. At this point with J's pregnancy I was already moving towards being prepared.... furniture, registering, etc. etc. This time I haven't even started!!! If it weren't for a good friend in VA giving me a box of girl clothes back in July, I don't know if I would even have clothes for her yet....

A stranger asked me fore the first time the other night when I was due (I was checking out with two maternity shirts and a baby sleeper.... guess she felt safe asking the question)... then she asked if I already knew if it was a boy or girl... and then asked if I had my nursery ready.. Umm no. I don't even have a house in which I can put a nursery yet!! :)

R starts his new job next week. I am so excited for him to get to live his dream. I can see the excitement building in him daily. The only other times I have seen him have this kinda of anticipation was in the weeks leading to our wedding.... and in the days prior to J's birth. It is so reassuring to see him so excited about this endeavor.

So - 2011 was a roller coaster - the good was great.... the bad was really tough - I have expectation that 2012 will probably be a roller coaster as well - just in different areas. Here we go.

moving on

Well.... august - that's the last you heard info??

wow.

No big half-marathon for me this year.... we found out soon after the last entry on the ol' blog that I am pregnant.... again... 4 times in just over 2 years~ of course two of these pregnancies have sent little precious ones to heaven long before I got to meet them... one is now 17 months old.... and the other is growing strong!!

So, now, I am just shy of 19 week along - and we found out this past monday that she is a girl!! what a new world I am about to enter!

Also, we are moving - from the southern area of VA back to my home state.

that happens next week!

So, pregnant, with a 17 month toddler, moving, at Christmas..... when the Mayhew's do something - we do it FULLY!

ok - that's all for the update.... back to packing.

tomorrow would have been the day

Dec. 30...... Now, I know that only 5% of babies show up on their due date... but regardless, the date that will always echo in my heart will be Dec. 30.

I still believe all that I said I believed here and here and here and here.... even more so...

I also believe that this hole in my heart is healing... not because there is a new life growing inside of me right now... but because my God is in the healing business! My heart would be healing regardless of whether or not I was pregnant.

My precious husband gave me a necklace for Christmas with a teardrop shaped Blue Topaz and a small diamond.... the diamond is my birthstone (convenient?? yes.) ... the blue topaz, the birthstone for the month of December. I will not forget my precious first child. We haven't met yet little one - but we will one day....

I really can't think of a good title.

I have started yet another political job. But we won't discuss that here. There are plenty of political blogs that do much more than I would even want to.

I am going today to have blood taken to make sure all my HCG (pregnancy hormone) numbers are dropping appropriately.

I honestly thought, somehow, that when the actual process happened, and the physical pain was becoming less and less, that the emotional healing would be a steady upward process.

I was wrong.

For a couple of days, I felt really good, physically, emotionally, everything.

This weekend has been hard! And today I feel on the edge of tears constantly, and I really don't know why.

During the time since I found out my baby was no longer alive (approximately 4 weeks now.... ) five friends have had their babies, and the pictures didn't really hurt... 4 others have announced that they were pregnant, and the news really made me excited for them. I count myself lucky to not be jealous of others' excitement.

This weekend, however, I think the thing that set it off was a late delivery from the mailman. About 8 weeks ago, I went to the huggies website and signed up for some random diaper sample. It just seemed like a smart thing to do, get 3 free diapers... right?? Well, they were delivered Saturday afternoon. I just wasn't expecting it. There, in the middle of my living room, I was holding the diapers that were meant for my baby... and my heart broke. Again.

Please continue to pray for me as my emotions are still just ugly. I want to be healed, to feel better, to allow the hole that will always be in my heart, to begin to heal... although the hole will remain, at least it will one day be a reminder of the hope that is to come.... today, it just still hurts.

In addition to this, please keep my little brother in your prayers - - he has arrived at his sandbox destination... and the battle continues.

What I will take away

There are many parts of this last month that will hopefully fade from my memory. I could list them, but then they would be permanently memorialized here, and I really just don't want to do that.

However, there are even more parts of this last month that I want to remember forever. I have listed a few below. The last one, I have not mentioned up to this point on the blog mainly because I think I was just not yet ready to discuss it.

- The look on Ronnie's face when I staggered into the living room, Sunday morning, April 26th, holding the first pregnancy test, trying to see if that was really two lines. I finally looked at him, and said "You are going to be a daddy!"

- The trip that afternoon to Babies R Us in an attempt to let the weight sink in

- Keeping a secret for a WHOLE WEEK!

- The fun of planning to tell our families. - I never did get the fun stories typed out. I will do that soon.

- Those weeks of overwhelming excitement and fear that seem to compete, and yet somehow, they simply worked together to create a sense of awe at what was happening in my body.

- Buying our first baby items, and getting the one gift that was given to us for our baby. That precious gift will be treasured forever. Ironically - - it was a small outfit, and a book entitled "On the night you were born." I tear up when I see it even still.

- The process of watching the most amazing man in the world learn how to handle a pregnant woman, and then have to turn around so quickly to learn to hold me while my heart was breaking. All the while knowing that his heart was crushed as well.

- The amazing love, support, and prayers of the people around us. Some that we have known for years... others only weeks. Yet you have all been a rock for us to rest on.

- The peace that passes all understanding that has filled our home these last weeks. I would love to be able to explain how it is that my baby can be taken before I ever got to meet him, and yet, I feel no anger. I am so thankful that peace, hope, and love have all reigned in our home. I simply must give the credit to our Savior.

- Finally, the story that I have yet to tell.

I need to start with the background that Ronnie and I, from the first day of knowing we were going to be parents, started praying that our child would have eternal impact. It is each of our desires that our own lives not be limited to the short time we have on earth, but that someone's eternity might be changed because we were here. We had already begun to pray that for our child. We also had been praying that we would be ready to allow God to use our child anyway He saw fit in order to accomplish this goal. I did not want to ever be held responsible to God, for holding my child back from whatever it was God had planned for him. I wanted to be prepared that one day I would have to allow God to lead my child - - - and that might include things that I would be afraid of. I was praying that my heart would always be toward eternity... even when it came to my child.

On the Wednesday night after the first trip to the Doctor, Ronnie and I just came back home. We could have made it in time for church, but honestly, our hearts were a bit too broken to talk with anyone that night. Usually, we are at church until kinda late due to commitments that we both have.

The house next door to us is up for rent, and as Ronnie was talking to his dad in our front yard on the cell phone (because there's not good reception inside our house), a lady started waving him down from the driveway next door. He found it a bit strange that she would interrupt his phone conversation, but hung up the phone and talked to her anyway. I was inside the house, probably typing the blog that I posted the next day.

About 30 minutes later, Ronnie came into the house and said "you have to come outside, the lady next door is going to accept Christ now." I jumped up... questioning him and asked what in the world are you talking about?

He gave me the short version, but then said, "she is pulling up in our driveway now, she wants to accept Christ. Her husband has just kicked her out of her house - a preacher told her he was praying for her yesterday - she needs a place to live - - but mainly she just wants to know Jesus. I told her that he doesn't save us because of our works, but because of our faith in Him. Just come out here and lead her in the prayer of salvation!"

I did. I went outside. We talked about life, Jesus, the gospel, the fact that only Christ can save us, and that it is nothing we can do on our own. We discussed that Jesus is the only one who will never leave you nor forsake you - though all others on earth will at some point fail.

At the end of the conversation, about 45 minutes after I had gone outside, she bowed her head, and prayed to receive Christ as her personal Lord and Saviour!

Our child, or, the loss of our child, had us at home on a night when we would typically be at church... because this lady would be looking for some help. Eternity was changed, because we were on the edge of getting horrible news. Our prayers were answered. And, I have no doubt that the peace that is unexplainable that has rested in our home these last weeks, is completely due to the prayer we had been praying since we found out we were pregnant... that we would be prepared to let go, when God called our child to serve in a way that might be uncomfortable to us.

Short update

I have to get this done quickly, for there is a lot to do....

I started the physical "process" (enough detail for a blog right?) on Monday evening... My parents came up and got here Tuesday and were here this week to help. Tuesday night I thought "it" was finally happening... but "it" was just some virus that had me hanging onto the porcelain throne most of the night. Wednesday, Ronnie got the same bug.

Thursday and Friday mom and I (and sometimes Dad and Ronnie) walked, and walked, and walked... to try to "induce" the process more. Nothing worked. I even ate papaya, and drank raspeberry leaf tea. No change. Still the same "processing" that was happening on Monday evening.

Today, mom and dad went home. I am really going to miss having them here. For tons of reasons. They were so much help! Emotionally and physically for me... and for Ronnie. It was like the burden was just lighter. The tears fell less often and seemed less heavy. Ronnie didn't have to worry about how I was doing while he was traveling around for court... or working in his office. They helped with meals, (whether that was taking us out... or grilling, or just heating up leftovers!!) They did laundry, they washed dishes... and dad even put cages around my tomatoes in the garden so that they would grow properly, since that had fallen down on my priorities list.

I miss them though, not only for all their help, and their work.... but just being here. There is just something about a mom. Moms just know what to say, and ask the questions when they need to be asked.

So often I feel so wrong right now. I am so ready for this to be over. Ronnie and I have been dealing with the "what-ifs" of this for almost a month now. The definite knowing for just short of 2 weeks. I am torn because I really want it to be over. But then, what am I saying? That I really want my pregnancy to end? This is so backwards from everything I know - - so backwards from the excitement of just 2 months ago when I was so excited to tell everyone!! And now I just hope it ends soon.

I can sometimes laugh it off, and usually get a smile... but then, my hormones are messed up and the tears just show up (usually when I am alone I guess....)

Anyway - for those keeping updated on this process, thank you for the prayers. I cannot tell you how much they help. This has been one of the toughest months of my life... and it's not over yet. I don't know what I would have done without my amazing husband, to care for me, and just hold me when the questions outnumber the answers... my parents who love me so much... and my friends that constantly hold me up before the Lord... those new friends that I have only met in the last couple of months - - and those that I have known for years. You are all priceless to me.

Each day continues

It has been 6 days since my last update. During that time, there have been a massive level of emotions.

First, I want to thank all that either here on my blog, or on my facebook, or via email, text msg, or phone call have loved us. I also want to thank those who I have been able to see personally - at church, or wherever, that have given a hug, smiled the uncomfortable smile, and said "I don't know what to say, but I am praying for you." Those words mean more to us than you can ever imagine. The outpouring of care has been overwhelming - and appreciated more than I can ever express to you. Thank you. Looking back to a couple months ago when I questioned friendship - - I do not anymore. So many people have shown that they really, REALLY care.

Now, to discuss our state. The emotional challenges shift daily. For you see, I still have NO signs of a miscarriage physically. This waiting, wondering, fearing, etc... takes an emotional toll. My pregnancy symptoms have faded thankfully. (Please take that statement with the heart of what I really mean... I am NOT glad that I no longer have a growing child.... however, losing the child, and still being nauseaus, exhausted and having heartburn daily just is not fair.)

We have continued this week with life as usual. I still volunteer at the church, still teach my college course, we worked the youth event Friday night and had a great day with several groups of friends on Saturday. We went to church Sunday - and are so thankful for the love we are shown there - and went for a walk Sunday afternoon. Yes, we have times of struggle, and yes the grieving process is still going on. We are not avoiding it... but to be honest, I think we may be delaying part of it until the miscarriage actually happens. I have also found that it helps me to keep my perspective, and keep my eyes open to the world around me, if I do more than sit at home and simply wait. There is a world of hurting people out there - - and yes, I am hurting too - but it helps to be able to help others instead of having my own pity party right now.

This week will be filled with emotions.

Tomorrow is our 2nd wedding anniversary. To be honest, I am praying that if the miscarriage does not happen today, that is waits until tomorrow is finished. I really want to keep the anniversary of the happiest day of my life, from being marred by one of the saddest.

Sometime this week also, my little brother, leaves for his second adventure in the "sandbox." As a family, this is one of the hardest, and most challenging things we have lived through.... and yet, it carries with it a pride that we cannot match.

This weekend, we will get to see some of our dearest friends. We are each traveling about half the distance between where we live in order to spend some much needed time together.

So much should be said, so many things that are still floating in my head, but they just don't come out right in a blog.

The Bible says "In everything give Thanks." This verse has echoed in my heart these last 6 days. Everything? yes. even this. Is it wrong and heartless to give thanks for the situation we are currently in? It cannot be, for if it were, then a loving, righteous God would never instruct us to "give thanks" in Everthing. So, I am working on my "thanksgiving." For even this.

Without the blood, there can be no life.

I will start by stating the facts, and then will go on. 

It is really hard to put into words the weight of the day. 

My baby is no longer alive. 

Those words echo in my heart. 

Upon first view of the sonogram today, Ronnie and I were not convinced that the Doctor was sure of what they were saying. Until they turned on a color sensor, that shows where the bloodflow is. You could see all around the child, that there was bloodflow..... however, there was none going to the baby. It was at this moment, that we realized those words not only impact our eternal situation.... but in this life as well, without the blood, there can be no life. Our child passed away sometime about 4 weeks ago. 

That is enough of the technical stuff. Our hearts hurt tonight. I have no symptoms yet of a miscarriage outside of knowing what the sonogram showed us all too clearly. I am sure that will come in its own time. 

Ronnie and I have no choice but to stand together at this point and thank God for the opportunity to have been pregnant.... for I know there are many that have not felt that joy.... we thank God for the knowledge that He is taking care of our precious child in His Heaven even now.... and We thank God for each of you that have been praying, and we trust will continue to pray for us as we go through this process. 

"I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day." 2 Timothy 1:12

The last 24 hours, the next 5 days

I have debated all day as to whether or not this belonged on a blog. However, I have come to the conclusion that sharing joy on a blog, while awesome and full of comments... never ministers as much as sharing heartbreak. As I spent my day trying not to google everything under the sun, I read a ton of blogs sharing how Christ has walked people through tough times. That is what ministered to my heart. 

In that line, I will share what has happened with us in the last 24 hours. So that you may be encouraged, ministered to, loved... whatever fits your situation. I will first of all give the details of where we are medically speaking... and then, how it feels emotionally and spiritually tonight. 

I went to the Dr. yesterday for the initial physical and junk like that. Last week, we had been asked by Little Life (our crisis pregnancy center) to be a model for them to train their ultra sound techs. They could not find the baby - but were not worried because I was only 8 weeks and it was just an abdominal ultrasound - so that was kinda pushing the edge of the equipment abilities. Regardless, I told the Dr. yesterday about not being able to see the baby at Little Life last week, so they wanted to try to hear the heartbeat.... they couldn't find it with the Doppler. So, they did a vaginal ultrasound to see the baby. They did find the gestational sac, and the baby - - but the baby is only measuring what it should measure at 4 weeks, not 9 weeks. And the Doctor could not see a heartbeat even with the ultra sound. Even on my best calculation, the estimate by the doctor of dating is only about 3 days off.... so at worst I should be measuring 7-8 weeks.... definitely more than 4. 

The Doc set up for me to have another ultra sound next week on Tuesday afternoon. He said nothing is definite yet, but that we should be prepared that the baby may not still be growing.... 

Emotionally, at this point, I am not ridiculously upset... trying to live what I believe right? Trying to be anxious for nothing... have lots of prayer and supplication... and know that God gives and takes away - - Blessed be the name of the Lord... The same God that created my child can keep it alive if He knows that is what is best, even if it is growing slow for some reason. I think the hard part is to have to wait the whole week to know for sure. 

I am not sure what happens after next week. I mean, if the baby has a heartbeat, then all keeps going according to plan... If it does not though, I don't know what comes next. And I am trying not to spend all my time in "what-if" questions... also, am trying to stay off of google as much as possible - that junk scares me even more. 

Spiritually, it is hard to say what is going on. There are a TON of church answers that I could be stating. I really don't want this to sound cheesy or rehearsed. The bottom line is this. I know the answers in my head... and guess I have always wondered, if faced with serious potential tragedy, would I really be able to hold to those things that I claim so loudly to believe during the good times. My honest answer, after a day of introspection, is this: Yes, a resounding, confident, passionate, YES! 

My favorite Bible story from my childhood has always been that of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. I just loved the way they continued to stand in the midst of trouble. Their statement to the King that was threatening to throw them into the furnace was "Our God is able to save us, but if He chooses not to, still we will praise Him." 

Over the last 30 years, there have been different times in which this one verse has echoed in my heart for various reasons. 

Today this is my honest heart feeling. "Our God is able to save my baby, but if He chooses not to, I will praise Him regardless." For you see, today, I have realized that even in the face of possible loss of my child, the Grace that my Father has given me is enough. It is enough to know that if I never meet my child on earth, we will meet in heaven and celebrate for eternity. I believe that firmly based on several scriptures - the first being that wonderful verse that says "before I formed you in the womb, I knew you." My child is known and loved by my Saviour. It is upon this that I rest. 

I type this with tears running down my face. It does not mean I do not feel pain, or have a knot in my stomach. It simply means that regardless of what comes next Tuesday, I will keep walking with my Saviour. 

We do appreciate your prayers and the prayers of anyone you know that would pray for us. 

Pregnancy Week 7

I am starting this blog for the third time today. Yesterday, I had so much that I wanted to fit into a blog... but today, not only do I not remember it all. When I start to type, it just sounds dorky. Yesterday, in my head, it was ROCKIN'! 

Today - I am a total geek. 

So, I will try again. And this time, someone may actually be able to read it when I am finished. 

My kid is growing. Has fingers, toes, elbow, can swim and has eyelids... but is only the size of a lima bean! We get to see "elmo" (what Samantha, Ashley and the girls in Calera have named my child until we find out if it is a boy or a girl!) tomorrow for the first time via ultrasound. I can hardly wait. 

As a first-time mom, I am nervous about EVERYTHING. It's actually quite ridiculous how many times I have googled phrases like "7 weeks pregnant mild back pain" or "7 weeks pregnant and no nausea" to be followed about 30 minutes later by "7 weeks pregnant and nausea." 

I am a dork. I know it. Plus, I don't have much to occupy my time right now. Which is good in that I can rest when I feel that my body needs rest... but I also have too much time to think and pay attention to every thing I feel in this pregnancy! 

On the other hand. When it comes to getting ready for this kid. I am completely overwhelmed. For those that know me... You know that this means that I have shut down. I don't work well when I don't have a plan and feel overwhelmed.... So, cribs, (some with the drop down sides, some that convert with the growth of the kid, and some that are just static beds), bassinet, pack n' plays,(with music and vibration... without)  changing tables, changing table/dresser combos, travel systems, carseats, slings/backpacks, 500 bottle choices, Bpa-free, liners, pumps - - double/single/mechanical.... And all that can be chosen before I even know if it is a boy or a girl! I don't even WANT to think about pink vs blue, zoo animals vs baseball, princess vs Disney.... 

I don't know where to start! I don't even know what size of diapers to start stocking. 1? 2? Pampers? Huggies? both? neither? And every day, I am one day closer to the arrival - - and I still have two small snap shirts laying on the bed in the guest room... that at least the kid would have some clothes to wear - - - or at least two shirts... I didn't even buy those for the kid, but for the t-shirt that we used to tell my family that the kid was on they way! 

It is times like this that I really wish my mom lived closer. It is hard to try to figure all this out for the first time using the internet and a couple of books. 

Especially for someone like me... that over-thinks EVERYTHING!

I do have to say though, that my husband has been absolutely amazing!! My morning sickness has been rather minimal, but he has been wonderful! I have had a cold the last few days that knocked me down though and in that he has cooked every meal for the last 5 days... taken care of laundry.,.. run the dishwasher... kept the house running. He is amazing! 

He makes sure I get my water, and fruit, and veggie, and dairy requirements each day - -and is basically spoiling me beyond all recognition. I really don't know what I would be doing if he weren't here taking care of me. 

Ok, I think it is nap time. 

Story coming soon

I have a great post coming soon (when I get a chance to type it out) about how both of our sets of parents did ALL they could do to foil our plans to surprise them with the news of our coming addition.... 

But for now... you just have to wait in full suspense... I really hope you are able to sleep between now and then... No, really, I do.

Also.... Please be praying for my brother and his wife. He left yesterday for three days of drill - still in Bama. Will be home for Mother's Day... then three more training days in Bama... and then he is gone to another base... umm... somewhere else... for a while... (The Army is so specific for this stuff.... ) and then... around a month from now - - he will be shipping out to the "sandbox" for approximately a year. 

None of us are ready for this again. 

Brantley is doing it the first time as his wife - we are all praying hard for her! 

sometimes.... 1+1=3

Well, I have not posted in about two weeks.... part of that is due to the business of getting ready for my 30th bday.... but mostly, its because other than ONE major event.... I couldn't find anything else to talk about

Now, I can talk about it!!!

Ronnie and I finally passed a test last Sunday - April 26th...

Yep... sorry for the blurriness... the camera didn't want to take a good picture of my passed test.

We told all family members over the weekend... luckily we already had a trip planned to Alabama so that it wasn't wierd that we were coming down there. It really helped with the surprise factor.

We are so excited about the upcoming life change for us! However, I have to admit.... when it comes to planning for this - I don't know where to even start!!! 

So, what do you think? What do you do first? Obviously, I don't know if it is a boy or girl yet - - so choosing colors and stuff doesn't make sense. I do know that we want the big things to be neutral so that we can change what is necessary.... Where do we start?