I started the physical "process" (enough detail for a blog right?) on Monday evening... My parents came up and got here Tuesday and were here this week to help. Tuesday night I thought "it" was finally happening... but "it" was just some virus that had me hanging onto the porcelain throne most of the night. Wednesday, Ronnie got the same bug.
Thursday and Friday mom and I (and sometimes Dad and Ronnie) walked, and walked, and walked... to try to "induce" the process more. Nothing worked. I even ate papaya, and drank raspeberry leaf tea. No change. Still the same "processing" that was happening on Monday evening.
Today, mom and dad went home. I am really going to miss having them here. For tons of reasons. They were so much help! Emotionally and physically for me... and for Ronnie. It was like the burden was just lighter. The tears fell less often and seemed less heavy. Ronnie didn't have to worry about how I was doing while he was traveling around for court... or working in his office. They helped with meals, (whether that was taking us out... or grilling, or just heating up leftovers!!) They did laundry, they washed dishes... and dad even put cages around my tomatoes in the garden so that they would grow properly, since that had fallen down on my priorities list.
I miss them though, not only for all their help, and their work.... but just being here. There is just something about a mom. Moms just know what to say, and ask the questions when they need to be asked.
So often I feel so wrong right now. I am so ready for this to be over. Ronnie and I have been dealing with the "what-ifs" of this for almost a month now. The definite knowing for just short of 2 weeks. I am torn because I really want it to be over. But then, what am I saying? That I really want my pregnancy to end? This is so backwards from everything I know - - so backwards from the excitement of just 2 months ago when I was so excited to tell everyone!! And now I just hope it ends soon.
I can sometimes laugh it off, and usually get a smile... but then, my hormones are messed up and the tears just show up (usually when I am alone I guess....)
Anyway - for those keeping updated on this process, thank you for the prayers. I cannot tell you how much they help. This has been one of the toughest months of my life... and it's not over yet. I don't know what I would have done without my amazing husband, to care for me, and just hold me when the questions outnumber the answers... my parents who love me so much... and my friends that constantly hold me up before the Lord... those new friends that I have only met in the last couple of months - - and those that I have known for years. You are all priceless to me.