Uncertainty.

Uncertainty.

This is the definition of my feelings right now.

Uncertain.

I have been working for the last 2.5 months on a campaign. It was supposed to end on Nov. 4. We are now in “canvassing” mode – and we will know sometime in the next three weeks if we will go into a recount situation. I thank God for the chance to work in this capacity. I am learning a LOT. My selfishness though was ready for some free time. It did not come.

Questions I answer every day are…. How long will this last? Who is going to win? Can we pull through? Will we recount? How long does that take?

The phone callers call in with desperate hope in their voice. I return their questions with certain positive answers. We are not giving up hope. We are working hard. At the end of the conversation I must end with a question in my voice though. I have the same questions they have. I can give reassuring answers only so far, and then must admit to myself that I do not have an answer.

Last Friday Ronnie and I took a step that we have waited on for 18 months. We signed a lease on a house. It was a beautiful new house. Two stories. Colonial style. With a dishwasher. With an oven. With a basement. For a decent price!

We reserved the U-Haul for November 15.

That’s tomorrow.

We called our landlord and told him we would be moving.

I started packing. I packed everything that we didn’t need to use between each day and Saturday. My living room is full of boxes, there are no pictures on the walls. My house is no longer home.

That was ok.

I was supposed to move on Saturday! I could handle this for a week with the promise of a new house in days.

Tuesday Ronnie found out that there is a sulfur problem with the water. It smells like rotten eggs. ROTTEN. EGGS. I really don’t want my clean body, clothes, and dishes to smell like rotten eggs.

We researched via Google - it’s all ok, they make a filter.

Wednesday we found out that the rental company would not cover the cost to install the 1200-3000 dollar filter.

Wednesday afternoon we cancelled our lease agreement due to “a material disclosure” that they apparently did not disclose. (lawyer talk). We called our current landlord and told him we do not want to move. I don't think he has called back. I don't know what will happen there.

Wednesday night we came home to a box filled house. I have no desire to unpack in this house. I was supposed to have a new house. With carpet, and a dishwasher, and an oven, and an electrical system that we don’t have to worry about killing our electronic devices. (I don’t have to remind you that our list of dead electronics since we moved into this house is REALLY long do I?.... Two TVs, three telephones, 3 internet motems, a refrigerator, etc. etc. etc.)

Last night I met with a friend at Starbucks. I needed the time with her. She encouraged me more than she will ever realize.

This morning I can’t help but ask – what is coming next? How long with my job last? Will we pull through at the end of this election? Do I really have to unpack all of my stuff in THIS house? Will I have a place for my friend to stay when she comes to visit in the middle of December from Georgia?

The answer I have heard more than a million times since we started actively looking for a house a year ago is this. “The housing market is GREAT for buyers now! You can have whatever you want for whatever price you want.”

Apparently not.

I don’t get it.

I don’t know what is next.

I don’t know how to find out what is next.

We have prayed, waited, prayed, waited, walked through seemingly open doors, only to have them slam in our face. We prayed some more. Here we are. Waiting.

Here is my new theme song by Sanctus Real. I am choosing to believe the words of this song. The chaos WILL fade – there WILL be peace. It is my prayer. Even when I don’t FEEL that God is in control – it doesn’t change the fact that He is.


It's time for healing
Time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long.
Time to make right
What has been wrong,
It's time to find my way to where I belong.

There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender.

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
And it's hard to surrender to what I can’t see
But I’m giving in to something heavenly.

Its time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Re-evaluate who I really am.
Am I doing everything to follow your will?
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?

Whatever you're doing
Inside of me
Oh it feels like chaos but somehow there's peace.
And it's hard to surrender to what I can't see,
But I'm giving in to something heavenly…Something heavenly.

It's time to face up,
Clean this old house,
time to breathe in and let everything out……
that I've wanted to say for so many years,
time to release all my held back tears.

Whatever you're doing inside of me,
Oh it feels like chaos but I believe,
That you're up to something bigger than me…Larger than life…something heavenly.

Fish sticks for Breakfast

As a child, Good Friday meant one major thing to me - Fish Sticks for Breakfast. I don't really remember eating fish sticks often, so anytime I see them now, or eat them, I think of good Friday in the Warren household.

Jonathan would be in charge of the fire, since he was always ok with getting up early if it included fires, he would build a fire in our backyard, Jen and I would roll out of bed at the last possible minute and the whole family, would go to the back yard and sit on blankets around the fire and eat Fish Sticks and Eggs for breakfast. Mom would usually have little Rye rolls as well - This was good Friday breakfast for us. We were really celebrating after Jesus' ressurection when he appeared to the disciples and cooked breakfast for them when they came ashore after trying to catch fish. They ate the fish they had just caught... so we had the 20th cent. version of fresh fish... Fish sticks. Dad would read the easter story, we would have some concrete spikes laying next to our plates, and hold those against our wrists as dad talked so as to imagine for just a moment the pain that our Savior went through as He died for us. We would then have a prayer time.

The rest of the day was usually uneventful other than the burping of fish sticks all day... But the mornings stood out to me. I don't remember when we had our last family breakfast on Good Friday. Its one of those things that got harder and harder to do once we got in college and started moving away... I miss it though. It might even be a tradition I carry on once the are children in the Mayhew home... We shall see.

I hate the way Good Friday is skipped over in American tradition. We remember all facets of Christmas, and that is good... however, without Good Friday - the death of our Lord... and Easter - the ressurrection, Christmas would have no meaning. It would just be another day.

He was wounded for OUR transgressions, He was bruised for OUR iniquities.... and BY HIS STRIPES we are healed! Today is the remembrance of this. My transgressions, my iniquities... they are healed because of the stripes, the nails, the crown of thorns and the spear.

The crucifixion was not God's backup plan, it was His original plan. "It pleased the Father." This is such a picture of the love of God for us, His creation. He was pleased to offer His Son for our redemption.

Whoa, I could go on and on... .but I won't - Just remember, today is different. Today is the remembrance of the day Jesus died. The day His followers didn't understand what was going on. The day His mother had to think back on the little child that had been born in Bethelem just 33 years earlier and have memory slide shows of her little boy growing up. The day the temple vail was torn in half and the presence of God was now available to all men. The day the sky turned black in the middle of the day because God had turned His back away from His Son... not becuase of shame... but because our Holy God couldn't bear to be in the presence of the sin that was on the shoulders of His own Son. But this day was more than that. It was different. It was the beginning of a new period of History. It was the day that the sacrifice on the cross... the most cruel form of punishment ever imagined by the depraved human mind, bought us a chance for eternity with God! Wow!!!

I leave you with a few phrases.

Jesus paid it all - ALL to Him I owe, Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow. Hallelujah, what a Savior, Hallelujah what a Friend! Jesus, what a friend for sinners, Jesus lover of my soul. How marvelous, how wonderful, and my song shall ever be - How marvelous, how wonderful is My Savior's Love for me.

I still believe

As a Christian - I know - that God works things together for good to those who know Him and are called accoriding to His purpose. I know that when God is for us, no one can be against us. I know that God's faithfulness is larger than I can imagine. I know His mercies are new every morning. I know His love endures forever.

For my friend Terry - and his family as they go through this tough time.

Sometimes, when life gets to be harder than we want, the things I stated above, things that I KNOW, begin to fade.

This song by Jeremy Camp came on the radio yesterday - It brought tears to my eyes. And made me think through the things that I believe. When it all comes down to it, when all things feel to be pulled out from under me - I must still believe.


Scattered words and empty thoughts
Seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
Seems I dont know where to start
But its now I feel Your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain

I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your Holy word
Even when I dont see I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises I still seem to bear
Even when answers slowly unwind
It's my heart I see you prepare
But its now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain

I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your Holy word
Even when I dont see I still believe

The only place I can go is into Your arms
Where I throw to You my feeble prayers in brokeness
I can see that this is Your will for me
Help me to know You are near

Change in plans

I had a great post ready for today - it's a funny story of dinner at a friends house the other night - complete with great pictures... however, it will have to be delayed.

In the last 48 hours some things have happened to people that I know and love that have forced my emotions into extremes.

The good first. Some friends of ours from church were pregnant. She was due in the middle of March, however, on Tuesday of this week - the little girl was born - 8 weeks early. There were lots of fears about her lungs, her heart, even her stomach when she was born so early. However, this little 2lb 15 oz girl was born strong. She obviously still has a long way to go before she leaves the hospital - but amid many prayers of the people at our church - she has the doctors confused. What a Savior we have.... that He would touch the small body of this little girl and show doctors that sometimes they can't explain miracles. We rejoice with the family of baby Allison!

Second, there is pain in the life of my family. We have a family friend, Terry.... he is literally a part of my family. He has spent more time in my parents house than me, Jon, and Jen in the last 15 years or so. He was a groomsman in my sisters wedding, an usher in my wedding, and will be in my brothers wedding.

Last May, Terry's youngest brother - Scott was taken in a fatal car accident. Scott was only 20 years old (approx... I don't know his exact age) and this was obviously tragic for the family.

Yesterday afternoon, I got a call from my mom. Terry's other brother - Jason - who was my sister's best friend through high school - was taken home as well. His father found him in his bed yesterday morning. Jason was the "funny" guy as I remember from the days he and Jenifer spent so much time together. He was always laughing, smiling, making jokes. I never saw him get down outside of the death of his brother last May. What a reality check it is for those of us left here - - that there are no promises of tomorrow. The Hall family is hurting right now. I called Terry last night, but what do you say? As he answered the phone, I started to choke. I could only come up with "you know I love you, and Ronnie and I are praying for you." I can't say "I understand" - because I don't... I can only pray... and love from the distance of states away. I want to go be with my friends - I want to be with my sister during this time that she is hurting. I want my brother to be here - Terry is his best friend.... I want to be there for Terry - he is trying so hard to be strong... I can do nothing. Its kinda funny how we feel that we need to be there for people - when in reality - even being there will do nothing to help other than support. I guess it is just one more picture of why we need people in our lives. People that love us - people that support us during the painful times....

I am rambling... mainly because I still feel that I don't know what to say to Terry, to Jenifer, to Terry's family, or to Jonathan...

In addition to this death so close to my family. A public figure in Alabama, Rick Burgess, of the Rick and Bubba show on WZZK - lost his three year-old son in a drowning accident the other day. I just watched the sermon that Rick gave at the memorial service for his son on youtube. You can link to my sisters blog if you would like to see this. You can also search it on YouTube. It is about 30 minutes long - but is a passionate cry to the believers to quit being wimpy Christians, and realize that we are to be Warriors. I do not want to begin to try to deliver his sermon. He said it all so well. However, one phrase sticks out.... he is talking about teaching his children to be Warriors for Christ - that is so much mroe important that being educated, being talented, or defining yourself through worldly success... His reason was that in that moment, when he was told that his son had passed away - he was able to cry to God - not in anger, or shaking his fist and asking "why" but he could say - "If it costs my son's life, so that people will not perish in eternity - then It is well with my soul." Wow..... that is all I can say. Please connect to watch this 30 minutes sermon - it might change your life. For me, it put things in perspective.

So, within 48 hours - life so prescious, and death so real, and faith so strong... I turn and wonder - what is my response Lord? Do I have the faith of Rick Burgess and his family. Would I be able to turn, in the face of tragedy, and say "It is well with my soul?" Would I be able to turn my pain into a call to battle for the warriors of God? I may never face the pain that Terry and his family are facing, or that Rick and his family are facing. To be honest - I don't WANT that type of pain in my life - who does? However, I do want to be able to say that I lived my life making an impact, that my life, however long it is, made a difference on this planet. This will require being rejected. John says that "In this world you WILL face tribulation" This is not a "maybe" It is a definate. The great thing is what follows "But do not fear - I have overcome the world" Wow - that is a promise! I want to hold to this promise. I want to be able to look at the unbelievers in the world around me and say - "No - I can't do this on my own - but my Father can!"

Please join me in prayer for my friend Terry - and his family. Please join me in loving my friends - the parents of baby Allison - and rejoicing with them... and please join me, in joining the battle to which Rick has called us all.... to use the events in life to show the world that Jesus is real and that He is the only way to make it through times like this!