Friday, September 28, 2007

Not what you do... but how you do it

Ok - so here is my question. So many times, in the Christian world, I have heard the phrase.... "God is not so concerned with what you do, but how you do it." What exactly does this mean? I believe that God has a "best" plan for our lives. I believe that His will for our lives in the general sense is VERY clear. Micah says "to live justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with our God." Jesus says "to love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself." Paul says "living sacrifice, holy and acceptable which is my reasonable act of service." All of these have very much to do with the "how you do it" mentality. Ok, I understand this. This makes sense. But where I am stuck right now is in the "what I do" idea. Here is what I mean. I am going to back up to a recent story in my life.....
In 2006 I considered looking at a job opportunity in Singapore, going to seminary in Texas, and traveling with Wings of Morning. Based on the statement "not what you do, but how you do it," any of these would be fine options. Looking forward in time, that sounded good. It sounded like I couldn't mess up. I could do all three of these and be equally in God's will. I could live justly, love mercy and walk humbly with God. Does this make sense?
Fast forward..... In January, as most of you know, I met my husband while traveling with Wings. Now, I cannot second guess as to whether or not going to Singapore, or going to school in Texas would have some how eventually led our paths to cross. However, I don't see how either of those other options would have led me to Danville, Virginia to meet the man of my dreams. God does have mysterious ways of doing things.... and we shouldn't play the "what if" game. But the question remains... Do you see my point?
So, at this point.... Ronnie and I have discussed, not with anything in particular in mind - but just generally speaking, so we are prepared if (when) the actual situation arises. If it TRULY only matters "how I do it" and TRULY doesn't matter "what I do" then how can we ever determine God's best plan for our lives. I am sure that many of the options God presents to us in life may lead to good ideas. However, I do not ever want to get to the end of my life and say "hmm... wasn't that good." I want to end it knowing that I lived to the fullest, that my life was "exceedlingly abundantly more than I could ask or imagine." That is, after all, what Jesus promised to His followers right? Not an easy life. That isn't what I am asking for. I simply asking that I be put through the opportunities to risk it all, and yet know that I am really NOT risking it all, because I have a promise that "the righteous will not be forsaken, nor will their seed beg for bread." I want to know that the struggles, the failures and the victories will have the same passion behind them. I don't want to look back and wonder if I really did my life fully.... To wonder if I missed the best while I was distracted by anything else. I heard once that our enemy wants to put a price tag on our service. He knows we are distracted easily by money. He wants us to get so worried and disctracted by the dollar signs, that we forget the main point. I don't want to be distracted by money, fame, the big time... but I don't want to miss that either if that is part of "my" abundant life.
So, I can talk in circles about this all day. I don't know the answer - and I can fully argue either side. (isn't that frustrating?)
Ideas? Thoughts? Advice?

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

An attempt at getting the words right

I have decided that if I wait much longer, I may never be able to express the emotions. I do not think there is enough storage on this blog to describe the love, joy, fear, terror, excitement, anxiety... etc. of last week. However, I am going to try. Please understand as I write this though, that the week before I went to Alabama for one of the most emotional times of my LIFE, I had to teach a lesson in Bible study that used 1Peter 5:7 as a point. Hmmm... Teaching is one of those hard things that God has me to do so that He can be sure I am trying to understand as I read. What I mean is, I am usually really bad about reading, and walking away having not understood, or at least not tried to apply it to my life. God knows this, so He has me to put it into words, thoughts, ideas, that are easily understood to a group of my peers. When I have to speak these words, I have to have processed them enough for application. So, the verse, "Casting all your cares upon Him for He cares for you." First of all, how simplistic must I be to have to use a verse I remember memorizing in VBS in 2nd grade at Brookhaven BC in Decatur, AL. I am a grown married woman, shouldn't God be able to use NEW bigger longer verses to teach me? I guess not. My cares.... my cares??... What exactly are my cares during this crazy time?

1. For the time being, my care for the week was my brother. I wanted to spend every moment with him. I even went fishing. Don't get me wrong. I actually enjoy the process of fishing. I don't touch bait, or fish, but I love actually accomplishing something as I fight to get the fish on land. I also think that my love for fishing is that my grandfather is the one that taught me to fish many years ago. Anyway, back to the point. He had to help me fish. He even got the other guys to let me reel one in if they caught one so that I could be sure to catch some. We were bass fishing, with some catfish reels out there too. I caught a catfish, and almost reeled in a turtle, it got off the hook just before I got it in. We had so much fun, I was out there about 3 hours - I will remember that time for a long time.

2. My other care was my parents. They had such a hard week. The church was moving, they had stuff to do, and still wanted to be with Jon as much as possible. The story here could be a long one. But the bottom line is that there was a lot of stuff, a little time, and emotions running wild. I wanted to help - I didn't always know how.

3. My third care was spending time with my sister and her family. I don't get to see them often anymore (living 4 states away). I still love them. I miss them. I wanted to get every possible moment with Jen and Aubrey (and Andy too I guess.... its a funny relationship we have....).

4. My fourth care was still communicating with my husband back at home. He is not so far on this list on purpose - it was just that the time for this was so limited. I had free'er' time in the day while he was working - and was CRAZY busy in the evenings when he was free. This made our talk time very limited, and usually only after an exhausting day for both of us.

So, those are the top 4 cares I can remember from that blurry week. I was to "cast them on Jesus." I am not sure how to do that. To cast means to throw away from the body - to toss. It implies that something is light enough to lift and throw. I felt like the burdens were so heavy I could barely stand under the weight, how was I supposed to CAST them? Then, it hit me. He would even be there to help me lift and "cast" the burden. It wasn't even all my responsibility to do the casting. Hmmm.... I am not saying I completely understand how to do this, or that I even did it correctly. All I am saying is that in the moments that were the toughest. Those moments when the exhaustion was overwhelming, the tears wouldn't stop, the fears wanted to choke me, I felt that there were friends and family praying... and we kept walking. One moment, one step, one tear at a time. This was my cast. To simply trust that others were praying, and to know that our Savior answers prayers.

So, now he is in Kuwait (or somewhere over there.) I am back in Virginia. My family is in Alabama. I have a future sister-in-law whom I love dearly and pray for daily as I know she hurts as much if not more than I do. I have a neice, who is adorable, and one of Jon's fears is that she won't remember him when he gets back.

I am so thankful for my most AMAZING husband, who has treated me like a princess since I got back Sunday morning. I won't go into detail - but it is so great to have someone who loves me even in the tears, who will wait when I break down and cry in the car in front of Starbucks. Who lights candles when I am coming home after a long work day. I couldn't ask for more when it comes to the wonderful man God gave me.

Well, back to work...

Tuesday, September 25, 2007 be continued...

I haven't written in over a week mainly because I am not sure what to say right now. My emotions are simply not very good at this point. So, I just wanted to let you all know I will return - while you are waiting - please check out the pics from our last day with Jon...


Tuesday, September 18, 2007


Well - I don't NEARLY have enough time to explain all that is going on here in Alabama. It was wonderful to have Ronnie with me the first three days, and I miss him terribly now, however, it is also very good to have some family time! We have watched bama football (ROLL TIDE). We have had fun. I have gone fishing with Jon. Jon proposed to his girlfriend (now fiancee.... she said YES!)

It has been emotional, It is going to get worse. 10 years ago, I never could have imagined this type of.... pain?? fear?? pride?? love?? excitment?? terror?? All going through my mind at the same time. Our family is holding tight to a few things. 1. Jonathan was a gift from God. In a time when my mom had a couple of miscarriages, she prayed that God would not give her a child until it was HIS timing... and then Jonathan came. God promises that he has a purpose for our lives.... so, Jonathan, we believe, still has a purpose to live out.

2. Jonathan and Brantley have both been through so much to get to each other. We are trusting that they will be given the chance to go through with this marriage. 3. That the prayers of all of our friends and family will protect him. That our God will put a level of protection around him that is much stronger than the vest and helmet that he will wear.

Anyway... it has been an emotional couple of days, as we watched my grandparents, (who lost a son while he was in the military a long time ago) say goodbye. The emotions in that moment alone were almost unbearable.... As we watched a good family friend pray for Jonathan Sunday morning in front of the church. As I have watched my sister, through my own tear filled eyes, wipe the tears from her eyes while her husband holds her hand. As I have watched Jonathan try to fill every moment of this week with time with his family and friends but most importantly, with Brantley.

It will be a long weekend as we drive tmo to Mississippi, say goodbye on Thursday, and have that drive back either thursday or friday... leaving him to board a plane.

Please keep praying for my family, for Brantley and her family, but most of all for my brother, who I am so proud of, and for his safety....

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

September 11... 12

As I rode to work yesterday, seeing all of the flags at halfmast - I, along with most of the US, remembered where I was when I realized that we had been attacked 6 years ago. I asked Ronnie what his story was. It was one of those days... We all know where we were when it happened. Those days don't come often. The only other one I can remember as I type this was the day the Challenger exploded..(I was in 1st grade for that one). Anyway, Sunday, while at church, we had a moment of prayer for the families of the people whose loved ones were involved on the day that will always be marked in our mind. We also prayed for the troops that are currently paying the price for defending after that day. While many in comfortable chairs will criticize the decision to fight. I, as a supporting sister of a man about to go and offer his life for our country, would like to remind those in the air conditioning... not ONE of the troops currently serving in Iraq were surprised by the call to go. It has been 6 years. Everyone that is currently offering their life for our country either enlisted, or re-enlisted since we have been at war. My brother says he couldn't have lived without doing it. He felt the call to serve. I do not understand how people, who haven't been there, can sit back and criticize others for answering the call. Do we remember the feeling of uncertainty that happened on that fateful day? At the risk of repeating what millions have said... I was miles away from NYC and D.C. that day - and honestly, felt no immediate danger for my life or the lives of my family, and yet, at the same time, I knew that an action needed to be taken. That action has been taken - for 6 years. We are still fighting. The results of that action is that the war has stayed out of our own country. We are a generation that does not remember the pain, fear, terror, and sadness that accompanies a war on our soil. After Pearl Harbor, we have kept our battles elsewhere and therefore, we do not know the pain of cities in ruin, homes destroyed, women and children slaughtered in our streets. We only sit, on our leather sofas, and complain about the financial cost of being over there. I venture to say, if we weren't over there, then the money would be spent in efforts to rebuild cities, homes, and lives over here. Lives that currently are quite comfortable would, without our efforts in the Middle East, possibly be destroyed. Our enemy hates us, hates what we stand for, and will not settle to simply be left alone. When we leave them alone, we invite them to attack.
I love my brother - I will miss him terribly. I pray that this does not cost our family indefinately. However, I am more proud of him than I can ever communicate. I am proud of our country, where people from other countries long to be. Where I witnessed 90 new people becoming citizens on July 4. All of them were extatic to be a part of the greatest country on earth.
Anyway, I just felt the need to vent. I may write more later. But for now, I simply say that I am proud to be an American - and am proud to be the sister of a US Soldier.
- Jwm

Monday, September 10, 2007

What a Weekend!

Ok, so, this weekend was a WHIRLWIND! But it was awesome at the same time! Friday night Ronnie and I went to eat with some of his friends from work. The family that had us over has 4 prescious daughters between the ages of 3 months, and 8 years. It was pretty exciting the whole time. The dad had rented some videos so they wouldn't be bored with "grown up" talk. However, the 3 year old announced as they went to watch the video that "She HATES Winnie the Pooh! She has seen it SO many times it is BORING!" Through all the convincing that her dad did to make her understand that it was a NEW Winnie the Pooh. She still hated it. It was so funny to hear the exchange of her and her sisters trying to decide wich video to watch. I thought it was prescious! I was holding the 3 month old and had the question for the first time of the weekend.... "when are YOU guys going to have one of those?" Now, you have to understand, Ronnie and I have had QUITE a speedy process of getting together. We met on January 17, got engaged on April 8 and Married on June 9 (in the same year!) We would like to have known each other for a year... or two... and to at least celebrate ONE Christmas together before trying to expand our family. So, we said... "it should be a while... barring any surprises from God."

Later that night, we went to an event in Danville at the Crossing (an outside amphitheater where they do monthly concerts during the summer time.) My boss had given us tickets if we would hand out political stickers while we were there. So, I was getting paid to use the free tickets to the event. What could be better? We had a good time giving out tickets, but left after only an hour (when I ran out of tickets) because I had to get home to bake bread.... Hmmmm... anyone scared???

A friend has given me some of that "amish friendship bread." It has to be baked every 10 days... whether you have time for it or not!! However, we stayed up late doing that, the dog busted Ronnie's nose during that time, and FINALLY we crashed with the alarm set to go take the bread out of the oven an hour later. The bread is WONDERFUL! I have an extra baggie to give away if anyone wants it. However, I will let you know, it is a lot of work, and it will add lbs... cuz it is GOOD!

So, Saturday, (the sweling in Ronnie's eye and nose had gone down thankfully!) we got up and got ready to drive to "southern" North Carolina. (basically the other side of the state - we are on the border of NC and VA... the city we were going to is 6 miles from SC.) We were going to hear my friends (Wings of Morning) sing a concert. I traveled with Wings in 06-07 (it was while traveling with them that I met Ronnie.) I was VERY impressed with the way the team sounded and looked this year. It made me miss the ministry side of doing that type of work. (I don't miss living on a bus... or sleeping in a new bed every night... or other downfalls... just the ministry side of things.) (It was while waiting for the concert to begin, that the second question about expanding our family came along... Derwin just straight up asked Ronnie when we were going to start having kids! We both kinda choked, twice in one weekend?? What are these people thinking, we have only been married 3 MONTHS!) The funny thing is, that although I wasn't expecting anything amazing to happen that night, God really started doing some work in my heart, and in Ronnie's as well. I can't go into detail at this point because honestly, I don't know any details right now. Only that God is working. We discussed the things He talked to each of us about for the three hour drive home... and are now kinda waiting for the next instructions from Him in reference to the things He spoke to us about. I am praying about a specific possibility for a week and then will start taking steps towards it probably within the next week. Ronnie is praying more generally. I really do wish I had more info to give... but right now, I will suffice it to say that all I know is He is working in me, He is working in Ronnie, and He is working in us together. Having said that, we know that our enemy doesn't like us to be attentive to His working... so, we appreciate your prayers as we look at the doors God presents to us.

Hmmm... Yesterday was a wonderful day at church, Ronnie and I spent the afternoon catching up on some housework (he always needs clean clothes,.,... i just dont understand!:)) and RESTING from the excitement of the two days previous. It was at church Sunday that the third question about our family came about, from our friend Zach. They were giving out presents to grandparents at church... and Zach leans to Ronnie and said, "your parents should stand up and get a gift since they are "expecting" grandparents!" I think Ronnie almost choked at that point!! I just dont know that we are ready for that! Apparantly a LOT of other people do!! What are they thinking?!?!?!

So, here I am, Monday morning... knowing that some things in my heart changed this weekend, knowing that I am very proud of my former teammates that are carrying on the Word of God through Wings of Morning, knowing that I am excited about what is to come in my life... and knowing that I am thoroughly exhausted!

Life is good....
Megan and Julia Emily and Julia Julia and Jeff

Friday, September 7, 2007

Losing time??? FInding time?? Anyone know how?

So, for the last few weeks. (ever since I started working a "real" job.... 8:30-5:30 every day). Ronnie and I have really struggled to have time! I went from being BORED all the time, to barely being able to say hello before we say goodbye. We have been creative in finding time together - so that is not the point of the blog. We ride to work together whenever possible (3 days a week usually), eat lunch together (Cambells soup warmed in his work microwave), and basically try to do as much of our "busy" stuff together. This isn't the biggest problem...
My problem lies here. I am gaining weight!!! AHHHHHHH!!!! I am eating right, not fast food, no sugar drinks in the middle of the day, haven't had a diet coke (or anything carbonated) in 3 weeks, only eat small portions of dessert immediately after a meal, drinking as much water as humanly possible during the day... and still, the lbs are showing up. When I put my jeans on, it is SOOO frustrating! The time I need to find, is time to exercise.
Usually, our clock goes off at 6:30 so we can both be at work on time, then every day this week, it has been dark before we were free from other responsibilities. The thing is, we had a week like this about 3 weeks ago, where every night was full of stuff, and I thought that was going to be the exception. Now, I am afraid that is (at least until the political season is over), the norm! However, at this rate, I think I will be 30 pounds heavier by the end of the political season! I have to do something!
So, Monday, I had the BRILLIANT idea to get a tae-bo tape. I did that once before and it kicked my tail! When I went to get a tape similar at WalMart, they had the workout tapes locked up and I would have had to ask a acne faced high-school boy to get it for me. LIKE THAT IS GONNA HAPPEN! (I know, I know, thats pride Julia) Anyway, I was NOT going to ask the little boy to get a workout tape for me. Like I am getting old or something and can't go to a gym... I have to work out at home??
So, when that failed, I thought. We can work out in the evenings when we get home from work. The problem is, that when we have gotten home, after a Bible study, after Praise band practices, after Political dinners, after dinner with friends.... basically, its too dark to walk/bike in our neighborhood. PLUS, my bike has a flat!
At this point, I am looking for time - does the alarm REALLY have to go off any earlier?? I guess it does. If anyone else knows where all my time went - please let me know:) If anyone has an extra workout tape that you arent using, let me know and I will give you my address! :) (Somehow, posting this on the public internet where the world can see doesn't seem as embarassing as asking one boy to get the tape out of the locked cabinet..hmmmmm)
Well, Ronnie is seriously supportive and telling me always that I am beautiful and that he doesn't notice any extra weight... but when the jeans are tight... and the khackis, and the shirts... ladies, we just know!
Ok, I am done venting... anyone else feel my pain out there? Anyone else have a solution to finding time to exercise??

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Mission Story #1

Well, over the past 7 years, I have had many opportunities to do random things in the name of Christ. I have a ridiculous number of stories of things that have happened to me, and I have told the stories many times to many people. Some have suggested writing them down and trying to do a book. Some have mentioned that I should share them more often.... etc. I don't know how to do a book, and so, now that I am here, I believe I will have periodic mission story tales. I will try not to repeat them, however, most of them are QUITE entertaining and I only hope that I can communicate the emotions that I felt as I experienced them enough for you to realize the humor, embarrassment, love, compassion..... etc.

The challenge for me in this case, is going to be determining where to start. Some are much more detailed than others. I believe I will begin in Germany, the country I love second only to my own USA. The stories from here are too many to ever tell, however, they touch my heart in ways difficult to communicate.

So, mission story number 1 -

It was a VERY cold day at the end of March. The Germans in Eisenach celebrate the return of spring after a hard winter every year in a celebration called "somergewinn." Literally translated "Summer wins!" The festival is attended by everyone in town (roughly 50,000 people) as well as people from all over Germany, Austria, and Switzerland. They set up a large fair in the "Marktplatz" (City square) and also install loud speakers to echo the celebration throughout the city. Most of the entertainment that day is celebrating German life. So, the music that is played all day is German folk music. Then, at the end of the afternoon the long awaited event happens. A HUGE parade happens through the city streets. This parade is MC'd from a stage in the city square. On that stage, the "mayor" of Eisenach, the "governor" of Thuringia (the state Eisenach is in), and many other local officials will watch the parade. At the end, there is a large staged battle between winter and summer, and every year, summer wins, and the whole city explodes with celebration that summer is FINALLY on the way! Below are a few pictures of the parade.

Anyway, I ended up with a nice spot to watch the parade. I was directly across the street from the stage where the state and city officials were sitting. This was my first mistake.

As we waited for the parade to begin, I noticed first of all that I stood out a bit in appearance. Germans tend to wear a lot of dark colors. Especially when it comes to their coats and jackets. The day was very cold. My warmest jacket was BRIGHT BUMBLE BEE YELLOW!!! So, I looked like quite the American tourist standing in the crowd. Then came the fatal mistake. An elderly man tried to start a conversation. Instead of just pretending not to hear him, I was a nice American girl and told him very slowly "Ich komme aus USA. Meine Deutsch ist schlimm, ich verstehe nur ein bissien und spreche weniger. Es tut mir leid." (tr. I am from the USA. My German is very bad, I only understand a little and I speak even less. I am sorry). The man seemed to be content with ending our conversation and went back to talking with his wife. I felt like I had done something great! I had communicated clearly that I could not communicate.

Moments later, (after the polizei dogs delayed the beginning of the parade because of a bomb threat on the stage where the officials were.... ) the EmCee was trying to stall so he started asking where everyone was from. (All of this was in German, I understood much more than I spoke... I knew what the question was, but I didn't know everything else at the time.) Someone directly behind me yelled, "Jena! Weimar! Berlin! Munich!" All were German cities. Then we heard other locations "Oestereich (Austria), Frankreich (France), Die Schweiss (Switzerland). All of a sudden, the nice little man next to me starts pointing and yelling "Sie kommt aus USA!!! Sie kommt aus USA!!!" (tr. She is from the USA!!!) I wanted to hide, however, the bright yellow coat prevented this. The EmCee started to come off the stage and all I wanted to do was disappear.... unfortunately I could not. He crossed the street, walked up to me, and started asking questions.... IN GERMAN!! I had only been there 3 months. I had a basic understanding of the language, I barely spoke German in front of the family I lived with. I did NOT want to speak German in public, in front of Germans.... in front of THOUSANDS of Germans!!!! Regardless, I did my best. I answered the questions. I will spare you my German now.... They asked the following questions in German. "Where are you from?" - I am from the USA "What State?" - Alabama "How long have you been here?" - I have been here for 3 months. "How long will you stay?" - I plan to be here a year. "What work do you do?" I work with Abbe Gymnasium, and Luther Gymnasium and Friedliche-gemeinde Eisenach. "Do you miss Alabama?" - Yes, I miss my family.

That (I thought) was the end of the torture. The Germans all over the city laughed at my American Accent when I spoke German. I had spoken their language in front of a LOT of them! I had accomplished something great... and then... as the German polka music faded. The "governor" of Thuringia looked my way and smiled really big. My heart stopped as I heard the first few notes of "the" song most well known about Alabama.... and then the words "Big wheels keep on turnin' Carryin' me home to see my kin........... Sweet Home Alabama." Once more, I really hoped that my yellow coat would turn into an invisible coat and I could melt into the brick streets and disappear. The mayor of Eisenach made a "sad face" at me and pretended to wipe a tear away from his eyes. The governor poked his bottom lip out in a pouting manner. They interrupted the day of German polka music - for Sweet Home Alabama..... there are no words to describe the moment.

For the rest of the day, when I passed my students from the school or church in the streets they would comment on my German with my accent. The little old ladies looked at me with smiles. Were they smiles of pity because my German was so poor? Or smiles of excitement??? Maybe a mix of the two. Word got back to other friends who were not there that afternoon and from then on I was not allowed to go to celebrations alone any more. They believed that I, being an American, was incapable of showing up anywhere without drawing attention to myself and eventually ending up in a mess.

This, my friends, is an example of what happens when I leave home. The stories are numerous. This is the most embarassing, however, not the worst predicament I have been in. The stories will continue.... Keep an eye out for Mission Stories in the future.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Picture link

P.S. I wanted to include a link to random pictures that I post online whenever the Mayhew's do something fun.....


Title cut

Well, the time has come. I have moved up in the world from blogging on myspace, to blogging on a real (however free) blogpage. I just LOVE that Google/gmail/picasa/blogs can all be linked together. Is Google taking over the world?? Maybe.....

Anyway, so, this is the title cut for my blog. I guess I better do a good job or else no one will come read again huh? hmmm... what to talk about?

My blog title, walking backwards is a good place to start. I would love to convince everyone that there is some really deep, theological, philosophical, sociological, psychological... (ok, enough of those words... but aren't they fun???) reason behind it. But really, I think it just has to do with the fact that when I write, I am usually trying to make sense of the things that have recently happened. Usually, I am not looking forward... but looking backwards and reflecting on those moments when my life is changed, ever so slightly, and I am forced to reckon with the changes.

On myspace, I have not been very regular at posting lately, maybe I will do better here. I guess you have to come back and see what happens. Write back, comment, leave jokes, whatever... Just let me know you are reading!

Life is great, and life stinks a lot right now. I am loving being a new wife... (3 month anniversary coming up this weekend!!! We LOVE to celebrate!!!) I am really missing my family a lot. One would think, after many times of traveling around the world, for indefinate periods of time, that I would not be homesick after less than 3 months. However, this time it is different. This time, there is no end date at which I will move closer to my mom again. This time, my stuff is here in Virginia with me. This time, my room at home has been turned into an office... (no hard feelings mom.... its just reality;)). This time, there is a very real possibility of my niece growing up and not really knowing who I am. This time, there is even a LARGER possibility, and probability, that I am going to miss major events in the life of my family! This time.......

At the same time though. This time, for the first time, I have a husband who loves me even when I am in a bad mood. This time, I have a home that is mine. This time, I am learning to COOK!!! AHHHHH!!!! This time, I have a puppy who is as frustrating as imaginable, however, she is so cute! This time, decisions are being made with a different process than ever before! This time, I have to consider another person! (much harder for me than I ever imagined).

I am also extremely emotional (more than I expected) about my brave brother traveling to Iraq soon.... hmmm... traveling is a very light word. He is going to fight. He is going to shoot guns, drive Hummers, avoid IEDs, use night vision goggles, wear bullet proof vests and helmets, learn more about sand than he ever thought possible. This is making me cry OFTEN!!! I will try to move on without going into much detail.... I posted about that in myspace.... go visit there to see it. - maybe that link will get you there.. I am not sure.

I miss my sister. Neither of us are phone people (except with mom,) therefore, we really only talk when we are face to face, except for Birthdays. So, I haven't even spoken to her since July 1. I know, I can do something about that... but it just doesn't happen. We email, and myspace, sometimes.... I miss her.

I am in a job... a political job(just till November... then I get to look again). My husband wants to be a politician. I am learning. LOTS. First, I am learning that I NEVER want to work in his office. I will be a wonderful supportive wife. I am learning that the political world is MEAN! I am learning that all of my training in the glass house as a preacher's kid will pay off.... I am also learning, that I may be more prepared for that than he is!! HEHEHE:)

We are learning together. I love learning.... (hence the extreme education background in a field I don't really work in anymore.) Sometimes, learning is tough... Learning to be a wife is possibly the hardest thing I have ever learned to do! I can't imagine learning to be a mom yet... Don't even JOKE about that! I was very independent before getting married. I didn't realize how independent I had become... even while traveling with Wings. I loved doing things alone and feeling accomplished that I had done it! My husband loves being with me.. I love being with him.. this leaves MUCH less room for independence. So, I learn.....

Anyway, I am going to sign off now, and send some emails so that people will come read the blog and make me feel REALLY good by leaving comments. Next time, maybe there will be a topic... or something fun to write about. Today, it was jumbled in my head, so it came out that way.