Rookie

I guess it's official. I am a rookie. rookie mom.....

I have a to-do list that will most likely not get done
I have a did-do list that most people would not be very proud of
I am more aware of insanity than ever before.
I sometimes talk in baby voice
I no longer feel bad about myself when I say "I stay at home." I am kinda proud of it now
I find myself rocking even when not holding a child.
I just got a text asking me to do something - it included the phrase "childcare is provided" and it applied to me!
I have had conversations in public about poop and spit-up
I find myself reading about controversial topics that use to not even matter to me! (vaccines, CIO, attachment parenting, co-sleeping, etc. etc.) (no - I will not discuss them on my blog....)

It's definitely different than ever before... But, its so stinkin rewarding and he is so stinkin' cute....

I am still the same person. I have not lost my identity. I have not lost my passion for life, music, or people. I have not forgotten that friends are valuable and I need to take time for them. (for my own sanity.) I have not lost my desire to be involved in the world around me-to make it a better place. As a matter of fact, I now desire even MORE to be involved - to make a difference - for every difference I make for the good will have a direct impact on the little one I love so dearly! I have not lost who I am..... I have grown! As when I got married, and everything changed around me.... I have become much more - not less. I have not gone backwards and become "just a mom."

So, for those that know me personally - please realize, that while my "did-do" list may look different than yours, it will still include time with you if you allow it!

I did not intend on this being some vent.... and it is definately NOT intended to be directed at anyone.... simply a statement as to what I have learned in the last 5ish weeks....

sometimes.... 1+1=3

Well, I have not posted in about two weeks.... part of that is due to the business of getting ready for my 30th bday.... but mostly, its because other than ONE major event.... I couldn't find anything else to talk about

Now, I can talk about it!!!

Ronnie and I finally passed a test last Sunday - April 26th...

Yep... sorry for the blurriness... the camera didn't want to take a good picture of my passed test.

We told all family members over the weekend... luckily we already had a trip planned to Alabama so that it wasn't wierd that we were coming down there. It really helped with the surprise factor.

We are so excited about the upcoming life change for us! However, I have to admit.... when it comes to planning for this - I don't know where to even start!!! 

So, what do you think? What do you do first? Obviously, I don't know if it is a boy or girl yet - - so choosing colors and stuff doesn't make sense. I do know that we want the big things to be neutral so that we can change what is necessary.... Where do we start?

All things New in Spring time

Well, I want to give a short shout out to my friends that got married in Missouri the first weekend in April. Megan and Luke are wonderful friends and their wedding was awesome! Megan is possibly the best friend a girl could want. She is just one of those girls that gets genuinely excited about everything good for ya... and gets genuinely sad about everything bad for you. She just cares.

We traveled together on Wings back in 07 for about 4 months... she was the person that went with me to pick out what type of engagement ring I wanted. I had not looked for one before meeting Ronnie due to me not wanting to do that until I had a man to make it worth my time:)

She walked all the way through a mall in Texas with me with one goal.... to try on every type of ring we could try on until I found the one I wanted. I mean usually this is saved for doing with the man that will be presenting the ring.... but since my man was in VA, and my friend was with me in TX... she became that person for me. The whole time we were doing this she just kept getting so giddy about my ring! We talked about my future, we talked about how she wanted to find someone soon. We talked about TONS of things that day. I will never forget it!

You cannot imagine my excitement when she and Luke began "talking" and then their engagement... and then the wedding! It was such a priviledge to be able to play piano in their wedding - I had a great time practicing.... and I even cried in her wedding... something I did NOT do in mine:) It was absolutely gorgeous - - and was a perfect picture of the innocence, purity, and love that weddings are supposed to be.

She is the friend to me that I want to be to those around me.... She now has a wonderful godly husband and Ronnie and I can hardly wait till we get to see them both again!

Ronnie and I had a great trip out there. We drove the full trip - and got to spend time in St. Louis, Missouri - Santa Claus, Indiana - Louisville, Kentucly - and Frankfort, Kentucky - We spent a TON of time together in the car - and as much fun as flying is... there is something about individual attention that we both get from each other in the car.

In other news... I have started my first garden. I have to start by saying that I have NO CLUE what I am doing. However, I have spent time on the phone with my PawPaw asking for help, tips, advice... and basically - - "WHAT DO I DO???"

I planted my tomatoes and some of the cucumber plants yesterday. The squash has to wait till the first of May here in VA. I hope to keep you posted as things hopefully grow!

Finally - - and update on Mamaw.... (my grandmother that had breast cancer...) her oncologist gave her at least a 28 year life expectancy in her last meeting with him... that would get her to 100 years old... We are really excited about this.... :) for obvious reasons!!!

Hope all things are new for you this spring!

The Plague - Continued

Still sick.



But feeling better thank goodness!



I actually slept through the night last night, and have not had a fever since Sunday! YEA!



It is amazing how much 6 days of staying home makes ya really appreciate being outside. Today is the first day I am feeling human again, still have some sore throat, my eye is still kinda messed up, and get tired easily - just gotta rebuild my energy levels I guess.



Did you know that USA runs Law and Order ALL DAY LONG!!??



Did you further know that mid-day television is HORRIBLE!



I have run out of things to google, emails to check, and everyone I know has been stalked on facebook in the last few days. I have felt bad, but have been SO STINKING BORED! Especially these last two days when Ronnie has to work and all that jazz, so I have to keep myself entertained.



We should have bought stock in Lysol - I have sprayed down everything in my house MULTIPLE times. I have used almost a full can of Clorox Wipes. I am trying to kill all germs before Ronnie gets it. he has had a cold, but no fever etc. etc..... so I am trying to keep him protected.



I am supposed to be subbing this week. Its kinda fun trying to find a sub for a sub... huh. They don't give subs lists of other subs - so its kinda been a scavenger hunt!



I also have to go teach my college course again tomorrow night. Should be fun.



Well, that's pretty much been my life lately, so there isn't much to talk about on here. This post is rather boring.



Maybe I will be better in a few days, and then maybe I can come up with something funnier to blog about... surely two days subbing for elementary kids music class will provide something entertaining!

The Plague

Or at least something that feels like it.

Has taken.Over.Our.House!

Ronnie has been cruddy since like 3 weeks ago, I was so proud of my little immune system. Until Wednesday.

I was on my way to teach my first class of this new section. And the pain in my throat was just getting ridiculous! When we got to the hotel, I went next door and got a 6 pack of waters, some tea, and a couple of oranges. I figured I would have this knocked out by the time my class started.

WRONG.

About 2 hours into the 4 hour class, I was still talking, yet going back and forth between chills and cold sweat. And they didn't make me nervous.... So, naturally, I spent a good bit extra time letting them discuss things that they didn't understand, listen to extra music, etc. We finished my outline - but I did as MUCH class participation as possible. I thought I was going to DIE before the class ended. I have never felt so BAD.

I crashed when we got back to the hotel. Ronnie went to the grocery store for meds, and Sprite.

The trend of sweats and chills continued even till this morning! We went to the Doc yesterday. I hate going to the doctor. But sometimes it is just necessary. Got antibiotics.

So, now, we at least FEEL human. But I feel like every time I even think about venturing out of the house I risk spreading the Black Plague - - killer of all things energetic - - around southern VA.

Wanna know the BEST part of this?

I have already agreed to substitute teach the music class next week. All. Week. Long.

The teacher is having surgery. So, just about the time I will feel better, my little damaged immune system will be thrown out of the frying pan into the fire! Luckily, my antibiotics will last through next week as well.

And I will take Clorox wipes with me every where i go.

And then, I will teach the college course again Wednesday, and stay in the hotel again that night. Hopefully this time I don't wish I was dead the whole time!

Ronnie just said I have been typing too much on this blog. Is it really that long? He thinks its because I have so many leftover words from having not talked (due to sore throat) for the last three days.

Maybe so.

What?

Well, I have heard much about this Peanut Butter recall. Honestly, I have kinda ignored most of it. Until today.

I got an email From Kashi.

I have to back up a bit, last year, I signed up to get a free TLC Cookie sent to our house. It came.

If there is any sugar around this house for any length of time, well, we eat it.

Today I get an email that has this quote in it.

"If you still have the cookie, please throw it out just to be safe; we would never want to put our consumers’ health at risk."

If I still have the cookie???? This cooke contained chocolate, Peanut Butter, and Sugar.... IF I STILL HAVE THE COOKIE????

Anyway, I guess the one I got was perfectly fine since we didn't die of Salmonella last year. In. August.

haha... if I still have the cookie.... Who gets a free cookie and holds it for 6 months???

Insanity.

Too much time, too little to do - Wait - Reverse that -

What movie is that from?




Anyway - as stated by my dear movie companion, and fellow chocolate lover - Willy Wonka - "too much time, too little to do" seems to be my theme these days. I mean, I feel like my list is long... laundry, syllabus writing, questions to create for this online music course, dishes, basic house maintenance, my commitment to Scripture memory and healthy living... yet, due to the fact that all of these have this "whenever" basis, I generally feel like I am behind in all of them.

It all falls back to discipline. My goal for the year. I have none when I am given freedom.

When I had a daily job, and requirements and deadlines, I get more done. When I have free time - I end up at the end of the day wondering why I didn't get my stuff done.

I don't want to waste my day. I don't set out for that to happen. It just seems to happen.

So, I am working on finding a way to plan my days. Even those days that seem to have no plan. I have got to get a schedule going. It can have some flexibility - but it must be planned.

So, having said that - - this must be a short blog. For I have a schedule to come up with!

P.S. mom blogged about her Hospital visit this weekend... and her memory verse and the reason behind it

What a whirlwind....

Running around my head

It seems that when things that are heavy (not physically heavy... but mentally heavy... which isn't in all reality that heavy but due to the lack of my brain functions right now, they simply SEEM heavy)....

(if that last statement doesn't make you jump to the next blog then you win a prize.... please go to your own kitchen, get a whole sleeve of Oreos and return to your computer screen)

Ok - I am going to start that first sentence again. It seems that when things that are heavy, are running around in my head, I really struggle to get them into a blog. (now, was that so hard?)

I am going to try to do this today.

Right now I am dealing with trying to find those "lines." Here is what I mean. I need to give you a bit of background.

In 2004 I lived in Germany. It was a wonderful year, but a terribly challenging one. Especially the first 6 months. The town I lived in was about 50,000 people (Eisenach... the city Bach was born in, and the city in which Martin Luther translated the Bible into German for the first time). It was a beautiful city and I lived with the most AMAZING German family on earth! My struggle mainly lied in two areas.

1, I was the only English speaker I knew. This was stressful. But it is not the point.

2. The traditions of the church were WAY different than the traditions of the American churches I had always been a part of.

This was my struggle. It really pushed me back to study to find what part of what I know is due to my Scriptural understanding? What part of what I know is due to my Baptist background? and What part of what I know is due to me living my whole life in the USA? All three of these factors play into our religion weekly.... daily.... hourly.

I was pushed back to the Bible to determine what I believed.

I fell I am in that place again. This time, not because I am in a different country, but because of the situation in our country. I am not going to go into political stand offs about what we should/should not do in our country. I am going to simply state that things are not as they should be. We can throw blame in a TON of directions, and that is all fair in the political world. I believe that we all have a desire to see our country move forward, we simply have different beliefs on how we should get there. That is not the point. My point is that we have issues. We have financial issues, economical issues, ethical issues, (when a group of politicians are appointed and a large percentage are then found to be already breaking the law?? seriously??) world issues, unity issues, racial issues (please see the riots currently happening in Oakland, CA), security issues - - the list could go on. But you get my idea.

How do you line up the promises God has given to his children with the current state of affairs? I feel that in many cases we are continuing to walk as if nothing is happening. Just this last week I heard it said that when we were this close to economic breakdown in the 20's (right before the depression) people were already beginning to use savings to buy food, warmth, etc. When I walk into Wal-Mart today, the flat screen HUGE TVs are still flying off the shelves. Are we still burning up credit cards when the TVs are already yelling that the credit market is crashing? Or are we using the last few dollars that might be in a savings account so that we are able to demand from the government more money?

God's promises are true. He says that he will provide out needs, the righteous will not be forsaken, His seed not begging for bread. But does that give us the liberty to keep pushing on as if nothing were happening? I don't believe so? Am I a "doomsdayer?" No. I do believe that we have many opportunities to help this situation out - and that we are given the keys to make this work. I don't believe that we (not the politicians, but the people) have chances daily to help fix this.....

Anyway - I have no answer here. In talking to some people, they say go ahead and prepare for the worst... other say that we just "trust God." I think there is a balance. I feel that God gave us intelligence so that we could prepare for things when the worst happens. I also feel that He wants us to trust Him for everything! Not just the "rest" that we couldn't prepare for. I am working to find that balance in my life right now. Please leave comments on how you are balancing this? Or are you continuing along as if nothing is happening? If we ignore this will it go away?

Because I have nothing better to say

I stole this from One Thing because it looked like fun and, well, I don't have a lot of brain activity today as I am still sitting in my PJs... late into the morning... two days in a row... enough... Anyway, if you like it, please feel free to copy it at your own place and let me know so I can come and compare my own life stories with yours!

Just boldface the items that you HAVE done, and leave the rest normal….

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Number 6 has been deleted due to it being an unfair question.
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain.
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch (wood working... its still in progress)
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping - like I would even admit this on a BLOG!?!?!
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29 Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33 Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41 Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45 Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business (I assume piano lessons were a business right?)
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia (does Kazahkstan count?)
60 Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies (for my sister... I was never a Girl Scout)
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64 Donated blood, platelets, or plasma (I tried... passed out when they pricked my finger - never saw the needle)
65. Gone sky diving
66 Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67 Bounced a check (oh college days....)
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job (my first job EVER as a life guard... but I promise it wasn't my fault!)
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle (Thanks Jon)
79 Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper (once in 7th grade - had forgotten about that until recently - - and then a few weeks ago along with Todd Palin at a NASCAR race!)
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life (as a lifeguard... see I did a GOOD job!)
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

Now - copy it, post it, it gives you a day off - -and leave me a message that you did it... its kinda fun!

Redirect the focus

Update

I have unpacked all necessary items.

The rest of the box-mountain will remain in my living room, as a reminder that we WILL move. For the Christmas season, it will probably become a “snow-mountain” when I cover it with white cloth and put Christmas decorations… nativity scenes, Christmas villages (I don’t have any right now, this seems like a good reason to get some right?), and other Snowy items on the “mountain.”

While it is encouraging that we will still be moving – it is frustrating still to not know what is coming. I am dealing with it though (sometimes dealing by finding reasons to NOT be at home for an evening… out to eat, to the movies, to Target… you get the picture) Ronnie and I like to go out anyway… so, this gives me a good reason.

I appreciate all encouragement from my dear friends here on the blog – as well as those who message me on Facebook etc. You guys are the best…

I think my favorite part of this blog/friendship/facebook junk is that it is this great combination of the blessings God has given me in friends throughout my life. I mean seriously – the encouragement comes from friends that I had when I was in 7-8th grade – touring the west coast as a Jr. in High school – my mentor when I was in college – my coffee buddy that lives in the city with me now – my host mom… ahem… host sister when I toured with Wings – and of course – my mom – who really has become my best friend. I look at the frustrations of my life, and vent them to the world via this open blog about my life… and then watch my comments roll in from people who mean so much to me… now, and in the past… and see that house frustration really means nothing in the long run. I believe I quote from “It’s a Wonderful Life.” When I say – “no [wo]man is a failure who has friends”

All that to say thanks guys…

Uncertainty.

Uncertainty.

This is the definition of my feelings right now.

Uncertain.

I have been working for the last 2.5 months on a campaign. It was supposed to end on Nov. 4. We are now in “canvassing” mode – and we will know sometime in the next three weeks if we will go into a recount situation. I thank God for the chance to work in this capacity. I am learning a LOT. My selfishness though was ready for some free time. It did not come.

Questions I answer every day are…. How long will this last? Who is going to win? Can we pull through? Will we recount? How long does that take?

The phone callers call in with desperate hope in their voice. I return their questions with certain positive answers. We are not giving up hope. We are working hard. At the end of the conversation I must end with a question in my voice though. I have the same questions they have. I can give reassuring answers only so far, and then must admit to myself that I do not have an answer.

Last Friday Ronnie and I took a step that we have waited on for 18 months. We signed a lease on a house. It was a beautiful new house. Two stories. Colonial style. With a dishwasher. With an oven. With a basement. For a decent price!

We reserved the U-Haul for November 15.

That’s tomorrow.

We called our landlord and told him we would be moving.

I started packing. I packed everything that we didn’t need to use between each day and Saturday. My living room is full of boxes, there are no pictures on the walls. My house is no longer home.

That was ok.

I was supposed to move on Saturday! I could handle this for a week with the promise of a new house in days.

Tuesday Ronnie found out that there is a sulfur problem with the water. It smells like rotten eggs. ROTTEN. EGGS. I really don’t want my clean body, clothes, and dishes to smell like rotten eggs.

We researched via Google - it’s all ok, they make a filter.

Wednesday we found out that the rental company would not cover the cost to install the 1200-3000 dollar filter.

Wednesday afternoon we cancelled our lease agreement due to “a material disclosure” that they apparently did not disclose. (lawyer talk). We called our current landlord and told him we do not want to move. I don't think he has called back. I don't know what will happen there.

Wednesday night we came home to a box filled house. I have no desire to unpack in this house. I was supposed to have a new house. With carpet, and a dishwasher, and an oven, and an electrical system that we don’t have to worry about killing our electronic devices. (I don’t have to remind you that our list of dead electronics since we moved into this house is REALLY long do I?.... Two TVs, three telephones, 3 internet motems, a refrigerator, etc. etc. etc.)

Last night I met with a friend at Starbucks. I needed the time with her. She encouraged me more than she will ever realize.

This morning I can’t help but ask – what is coming next? How long with my job last? Will we pull through at the end of this election? Do I really have to unpack all of my stuff in THIS house? Will I have a place for my friend to stay when she comes to visit in the middle of December from Georgia?

The answer I have heard more than a million times since we started actively looking for a house a year ago is this. “The housing market is GREAT for buyers now! You can have whatever you want for whatever price you want.”

Apparently not.

I don’t get it.

I don’t know what is next.

I don’t know how to find out what is next.

We have prayed, waited, prayed, waited, walked through seemingly open doors, only to have them slam in our face. We prayed some more. Here we are. Waiting.

Here is my new theme song by Sanctus Real. I am choosing to believe the words of this song. The chaos WILL fade – there WILL be peace. It is my prayer. Even when I don’t FEEL that God is in control – it doesn’t change the fact that He is.


It's time for healing
Time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long.
Time to make right
What has been wrong,
It's time to find my way to where I belong.

There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender.

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
And it's hard to surrender to what I can’t see
But I’m giving in to something heavenly.

Its time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Re-evaluate who I really am.
Am I doing everything to follow your will?
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?

Whatever you're doing
Inside of me
Oh it feels like chaos but somehow there's peace.
And it's hard to surrender to what I can't see,
But I'm giving in to something heavenly…Something heavenly.

It's time to face up,
Clean this old house,
time to breathe in and let everything out……
that I've wanted to say for so many years,
time to release all my held back tears.

Whatever you're doing inside of me,
Oh it feels like chaos but I believe,
That you're up to something bigger than me…Larger than life…something heavenly.

More fish?

Well, maybe soon I will be able to tell you about going to the Sarah Palin Rally in Salem, VA last night - but honestly, I want to be able to get up pics and stuff from meeting Todd Palin, and the Sarah Palin rally soon...

And - I think this story is funnier

Remember the fish??

Well, it turns out that before the last fish died - he had completed his job of passing his genes along to the next generations.

His partner, is now great with child(ren)!

I started doing some research.

It turns out that Mickey Mouse Platys are able to be pregnant up for 8 times after one time of .... umm... getting pregnant.

Each of those 8 pregnancies can produce up to 85 "fry" (baby fish!)

Each pregnancy also takes about 30-35 days.

Basically, within 8 months we could be the proud owners of up to 750ish BABY FISH!!

I can only have 10 per 10 gallon tank.

So, how many of you want a fish??? I will soon have about 740 to give away. These are nice fish! Cost about $2.99 at PetSmart! Not your average goldfish! They have something looking like a Mickey Mouse head in their tail! Its GREAT for kids....

No, really, if we don't separate the mother from the fish within a few hours of her giving birth (yes, platys are one of the few fish that actually give live birth, they don't lay eggs) - she will eat all of the babies.

Motherhood at it's finest I guess.

And cheap fish food for us! (just kidding. sorta.)

I also, through this research have learned how to tell a boy little fish from a girl little fish. Things. I. Never. Thought. I. Needed. To. Know!

Well, life is never boring around here.

In other stories. My sister is having a boy!

One fish, Two fish.... you know the rest

I have been prodded.

My friend with the baby – (that is how she will be known until another friend has a baby) – told me in very direct terms yesterday that I need to blog again, it has been TOO long!

So, although it is really hard to write anything that has nothing to do with the work I am doing – I am going to try.

We now have fish. I would post a picture, but I don’t have one yet. I will work on that – maybe.

Ronnie had like 3 fish when we got married, but they just recently moved into our house. Actually, one of the three he had when we got married passed away prior to moving in with the new family. So, then we went and got two snails, (cause I didn’t want to have to clean!) and moved the two old fish into our home. Where our old TVs used to sit. (remember those were broken last year. Both. Of. Them.) So, now we have the fish tank sitting on the TV stand.

Two days later, one of the fish died.

Ronnie said that those types of fish are community fish, so we had to go get new fish.

We didn’t get just one new fish.

We got 5.

So, we then had 6 fish and 2 snails.

Then the two snails died.

Then another fish died.

Now, here we are, with the 5 fish, A rock vacuum, (the new addition to my appliance list), slime coating, antibiotics, etc. etc.

While they are fun to watch, I sometimes find myself asking… why? I mean, even the fun of watching them gets old after about 3 minutes… they don’t do tricks, don’t play fetch, don’t bark to warn us of strange things in the area…. Etc. etc.

Anyway, there – the new post is 100% devoted to fish.

I am still in the campaign – still alive and all that jazz. It’s fun – interesting – frustrating – exciting – and basically a roller coaster every day. I am sure I will have TONS of stories to tell when its all over with. But for today – I will just say – YEA for the fish…. They are the calmest (most calm? Not sure about my grammar there) part of my life right now.

Another Day Update

Quickly,

I am better tonight.

My wonderful husband made me go out - - he prayed one of the most amazing prayers I have ever heard him pray on the way to town - - then he made me get some Chick-fil-a - - walk around Target, the Mall, Lowes, etc.

PS. Did you know that for 25 cents more, you can get chocolate added to your cookies and cream milkshake at Chick-fil-a?? A CHOCOLATE COOKIES AND CREAM MILKSHAKE!!! It was amazing.

I feel that it isn't like a solved problem. This afternoon, I felt more than ever, like I was walking down a dark tunnel - I didn't even want to come out of it. I knew in my head that most of what was echoing in there was not Truth... but that didn't seem to matter in my heart.

Anyway, maybe I will be able to figure this thing out sometime. I have never been one to truly battle depression. I know the Truth... that I am blessed beyond measure... that I am loved, and that I love others. But today, for some reason, none of that mattered...

Anyway - thanks so much for the prayers! Keep them up. I will keep you updated.

Another Day

Well, I have to be honest today. I know most of my blogs are up, pushing funny, happy-go-lucky, life-is-a-bucket-of-roses, blogs.... if that's what ya came for... this ain't it today... sorry

I don't feel like blogging.

I don't feel like doing laundry (this is normal though.)

I tried to work on my newest adventure - - a new bedside table - - but my drill battery was dead... and requires 16 hours to charge.

I don't even feel like watching the Olympics.

Even worse, I don't even feel like going shopping as Ronnie and I had planned to do tonight.

Ya see, I am usually a 'do-er.' I do things. I really like to do things that help people - - but even when that can't be accomplished - I still 'do.' I have never been one to be lazy day after day. Oh sure, there are those rainy Saturdays - - but honestly, the reason they are special is because every other day is NOT like that!

Right now, for the last two weeks of my life, I can not come up with ONE productive thing I have accomplished. Until a couple weeks ago, I still had classes going on that I was teaching... before that, I was still working at the church... and doing Tupperware parties... Now, since we are preparing to move... and yet not yet moving... all that is gone - and we are still here. I could pack... but honestly, I just feel like doing nothing.

The worst part is that it is a beautiful day outside! I don't even want to go out there.

So many 'un-true' statements go through this little mind.

- you aren't qualified for those jobs that help people out
- you can't do it anyway, why try.
- you won't be able to finish anything you start, so why try?

it even goes so far as.... - you are just useless.

Useless?? I don't want to be useless.

I was listening to a Matthew West cd that I got back in the Spring - Some of the lyrics include:

You got something to say
If you're livin', if you're breathin'
You got something to say
And you know if your heart is beatin'
You got something to say
And no one can say it like you do
God is love and love speaks through
You got it, you got it
You got something to say

Listen up, I got a question here
Would anybody miss you if you disappeared?
Well your life is the song that you sing
And the whole wide world is listening

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

Basically - - those are from two of the songs... it should encourage me to get off my tail and get busy doing something.

I also saw this morning where a lady won $50,000 worth of K-mart gift cards. She lives in a poor area of the country. Instead of doing what we all would first do with that money... she went and bought school supplies for 9,000 students that live in her neighborhood. They all got a full backpack of school supplies. WOW! I cried.

I don't usually cry at things like that.

Probably because used to.... I participated in that stuff... I wasn't sitting at home watching it on TV.

But in the back of my head, it echoes... "what if I had given everything?" and "would anybody miss me if I disappeared."

Now, don't say stuff like "I would miss you..." What I mean is that my questions are real. Honest. What difference has my life made in the last few days? Weeks? Months? I haven't helped any one get school supplies, Haven''t been able to show love in a way that impacts people.

So, I look online for jobs... in order to get a job helping people, making a difference, you have to already have 5-7 years experience in doing that. Here comes the qualification thing again....

My heart is just kinda empty.

There is so much I want to do.

There is so much I feel I need to do.

Yet, I am here waiting. For what? I simply don't know.

So, I sit here. On my couch. Empty.



Comments closed. Please spend that time praying for me instead.

Lake Day

So, Saturday Ronnie and I went to the lake with his parents. It was a wonderful day - I got sunburnt - Ronnie jumped off some rocks that he has wanted to jump off of for a long time - we found some golf balls next to a golf course (they were in the water) - but the real stories of the lake day came before and after.

We were supposed to meet Ronnie's parents at the lake at 11:00. We were right on track when we saw this...

These two cows - mom and child - held us up for 5-10 minutes. Then we had to stop to tell the local farmer that they were loose. SERIOUSLY!!!! Where do I live??? When we saw them and I started taking pictures, Ronnie asked if it was going to be my blog this week - I said "YES!! I haven't had to stop in the road for cows since I was in Belize.... a third world country!" He said I have had more blogs about animals than any other one thing since I started this about a year ago...

Hmmm...

I live in Southern VA... enough said:)

Anyway - The second big story for the day has to have a bit of introduction. Ya see, coming from Alabama, carries with it some stereotypes. I can't tell you how many Virginians get funny looks on their faces when after an intelligent conversation, they find out where I am from. Apparantly, most of them think we are uneducated losers or something. I even had one lady - a school teacher - say "Well, I guess you are GLAD to get out of there then!" after hearing my homestate was the heart of dixie. I get redneck jokes, accent comments (this coming from some people who don't even pronounce their 'r' in words!), etc. etc.....

As we were leaving the lake... having already been delayed that morning due to cows in the road... we saw this:

A DUMPTRUCK PULLING A BOAT TRAILER!!!! This was parked at the boat ramp! I was amazed! After all the comments, jokes, and funny looks.... I am so happy to see something more redneck than the things I have seen in Alabama!! :)

I do like my new home - its nice most of the time - and it provides PLENTY of blog material... It's just nice to know that although some places in the US carry more stereotype, 'redneck' is nationwide!

And for that teacher.... while VA is fine... I am PROUD to be a Bama girl:)

I have some serious thoughts developing in my head... maybe they will come into a real blog soon.

Table Pics!

The tools...


The tools - rearranged!


The cut pieces... ready for assembly... yes I cut them all myself!


Partially through assembly - a work in progress


Rough draft - the front legs are too short because well... i thought 2x12 actually meant 2... and 12... and it apparantely means 1.5 and 11.5.

**** edit to add next picture*****With new front legs... no more leaning forward! no rocking from side to side.... waiting for glue to dry and then tomorrow... staining!

Table Update

IT STANDS!!! I have taken the pics, I just don't have time to post them right now - however, I cut, sanded, glued, drilled, and "screwdrove" (is that a word?) my self right into a little table... yes, she leans a little to the front - but she stands - on her own - without propping... I consider that an accomplishment.

My wonderful husband suggested that I simply go get a couple of the little "feet" things from homedepot to go on the front so she will be level....

I haven't stained her yet. I have to go teach tonight and have to leave in about half an hour - and currently am covered in a mixture of sawdust and wood glue - so, I will get pics up and get her stained hopefully tomorrow!

Watch out - I have a jigsaw!

So this weekend I was at World Market - only my favorite store in the WORLD! and I saw this amazing table. Don't just skip over that link - go look at it...

When you look at it, you will also see that there is a pricetag of $129!!!!! What in the world? Its a small accent table!

So, yesterday, I convinved R to take me to the brand new Home Depot in town and get the supplies I needed to make this amazing table.... $92 later, I have it - Look I have already saved over $30 AND I now have my OWN jigsaw with which I am sure I will make MANY MANY other things that I don't want to pay full price for. Or, at least I will be able to cut things. You know. Sometimes you just need a jigsaw. or. something.

Anyway - here we go, I will post pics of the process (of course that is assuming that I don't lose any appendages - there will be no pics of that:))

Comments heard while shooting fireworks

Two couples came to our house last night to eat and hang out - and of course... shoot fireworks. One of the girls that came is about 39 weeks pregnant and I was so hoping for a great blog on how she went into labor as we shot fireworks on the 4th of July at my house - however, she was not really cooperating - even after I sat and googled "naturally induce labor" and "eggplant inducing labor" No - we didn't eat eggplant, but apparantly there is some restaurant in GA that claims that every time a pregnant woman (38-40 weeks) eats their eggplant parmesan, she goes into labor within 48 hours! CRAZY! They have over 300 stories AND they guarantee it or you get a free meal!

Anyway, back to the story - since I don't have a great blog about rushing my friend to the hospital to deliver her baby - I will give you some quotes overheard during the fireworks extravaganza at the house.

Note: The girls were under the carport watching for the fallout. And protecting the 5 month old baby of the other girl that was here:)

I will use initials to protect the (not so) innocent...

JW: Whoa - I guess that didn't work! (this quoted while running around the house trying to make sure my roof wasn't on fire!)

JK: Ronnie - Where is your duct tape?

JK: I guess you neighbor has a tin roof huh?

JW: Whoa! That was a short fuse!

JK: Throw it.... FAST!

JM: Hey - That's my car!

KW: My baby just jumped with that one!

JW: I can't find the fuse!

JK: OW! That burnt my hair!

RM: Wait! Someone lives over there..... (too late - it was already lit!)

JW: that wasn't was I thought it would do!

and finally......

JW: Hey ya'll watch this......

Anyway - even after all those comments - we all made it through the night, with no major injuries, lots of laughter, no mad neighbors (at least as far as we know so far - I will let you know if that changes), and no baby deliveries.

It was so great to be with other young couples and just have a time of fun. Our life seems to be so crazy at the moment, knowing we are moving and trying to get ready for that... and yet wanting to be "where we are" as long as God leaves us here. Its such a torn feeling - but regardless, we had a blast last night and are so thankful for friends.