Wednesday, September 26, 2007

An attempt at getting the words right

I have decided that if I wait much longer, I may never be able to express the emotions. I do not think there is enough storage on this blog to describe the love, joy, fear, terror, excitement, anxiety... etc. of last week. However, I am going to try. Please understand as I write this though, that the week before I went to Alabama for one of the most emotional times of my LIFE, I had to teach a lesson in Bible study that used 1Peter 5:7 as a point. Hmmm... Teaching is one of those hard things that God has me to do so that He can be sure I am trying to understand as I read. What I mean is, I am usually really bad about reading, and walking away having not understood, or at least not tried to apply it to my life. God knows this, so He has me to put it into words, thoughts, ideas, that are easily understood to a group of my peers. When I have to speak these words, I have to have processed them enough for application. So, the verse, "Casting all your cares upon Him for He cares for you." First of all, how simplistic must I be to have to use a verse I remember memorizing in VBS in 2nd grade at Brookhaven BC in Decatur, AL. I am a grown married woman, shouldn't God be able to use NEW bigger longer verses to teach me? I guess not. My cares.... my cares??... What exactly are my cares during this crazy time?

1. For the time being, my care for the week was my brother. I wanted to spend every moment with him. I even went fishing. Don't get me wrong. I actually enjoy the process of fishing. I don't touch bait, or fish, but I love actually accomplishing something as I fight to get the fish on land. I also think that my love for fishing is that my grandfather is the one that taught me to fish many years ago. Anyway, back to the point. He had to help me fish. He even got the other guys to let me reel one in if they caught one so that I could be sure to catch some. We were bass fishing, with some catfish reels out there too. I caught a catfish, and almost reeled in a turtle, it got off the hook just before I got it in. We had so much fun, I was out there about 3 hours - I will remember that time for a long time.

2. My other care was my parents. They had such a hard week. The church was moving, they had stuff to do, and still wanted to be with Jon as much as possible. The story here could be a long one. But the bottom line is that there was a lot of stuff, a little time, and emotions running wild. I wanted to help - I didn't always know how.

3. My third care was spending time with my sister and her family. I don't get to see them often anymore (living 4 states away). I still love them. I miss them. I wanted to get every possible moment with Jen and Aubrey (and Andy too I guess.... its a funny relationship we have....).

4. My fourth care was still communicating with my husband back at home. He is not so far on this list on purpose - it was just that the time for this was so limited. I had free'er' time in the day while he was working - and was CRAZY busy in the evenings when he was free. This made our talk time very limited, and usually only after an exhausting day for both of us.

So, those are the top 4 cares I can remember from that blurry week. I was to "cast them on Jesus." I am not sure how to do that. To cast means to throw away from the body - to toss. It implies that something is light enough to lift and throw. I felt like the burdens were so heavy I could barely stand under the weight, how was I supposed to CAST them? Then, it hit me. He would even be there to help me lift and "cast" the burden. It wasn't even all my responsibility to do the casting. Hmmm.... I am not saying I completely understand how to do this, or that I even did it correctly. All I am saying is that in the moments that were the toughest. Those moments when the exhaustion was overwhelming, the tears wouldn't stop, the fears wanted to choke me, I felt that there were friends and family praying... and we kept walking. One moment, one step, one tear at a time. This was my cast. To simply trust that others were praying, and to know that our Savior answers prayers.

So, now he is in Kuwait (or somewhere over there.) I am back in Virginia. My family is in Alabama. I have a future sister-in-law whom I love dearly and pray for daily as I know she hurts as much if not more than I do. I have a neice, who is adorable, and one of Jon's fears is that she won't remember him when he gets back.

I am so thankful for my most AMAZING husband, who has treated me like a princess since I got back Sunday morning. I won't go into detail - but it is so great to have someone who loves me even in the tears, who will wait when I break down and cry in the car in front of Starbucks. Who lights candles when I am coming home after a long work day. I couldn't ask for more when it comes to the wonderful man God gave me.

Well, back to work...


DeeDee said...

You worded it all very well !
love you so much

Anonymous said...

You're the best wife in the whole world!!! I'm so thankful that you're my princess...what a privilege it is to have such a wonderful bride. God has blessed me in an amazing way to have you as my girl for life! Anything nice or princely that I do for you is but a small reflection of the many sweet, beautiful, perfect things that you do for me! I love you with all my heart!

Your man always,