First, I want to thank all that either here on my blog, or on my facebook, or via email, text msg, or phone call have loved us. I also want to thank those who I have been able to see personally - at church, or wherever, that have given a hug, smiled the uncomfortable smile, and said "I don't know what to say, but I am praying for you." Those words mean more to us than you can ever imagine. The outpouring of care has been overwhelming - and appreciated more than I can ever express to you. Thank you. Looking back to a couple months ago when I questioned friendship - - I do not anymore. So many people have shown that they really, REALLY care.
Now, to discuss our state. The emotional challenges shift daily. For you see, I still have NO signs of a miscarriage physically. This waiting, wondering, fearing, etc... takes an emotional toll. My pregnancy symptoms have faded thankfully. (Please take that statement with the heart of what I really mean... I am NOT glad that I no longer have a growing child.... however, losing the child, and still being nauseaus, exhausted and having heartburn daily just is not fair.)
We have continued this week with life as usual. I still volunteer at the church, still teach my college course, we worked the youth event Friday night and had a great day with several groups of friends on Saturday. We went to church Sunday - and are so thankful for the love we are shown there - and went for a walk Sunday afternoon. Yes, we have times of struggle, and yes the grieving process is still going on. We are not avoiding it... but to be honest, I think we may be delaying part of it until the miscarriage actually happens. I have also found that it helps me to keep my perspective, and keep my eyes open to the world around me, if I do more than sit at home and simply wait. There is a world of hurting people out there - - and yes, I am hurting too - but it helps to be able to help others instead of having my own pity party right now.
This week will be filled with emotions.
Tomorrow is our 2nd wedding anniversary. To be honest, I am praying that if the miscarriage does not happen today, that is waits until tomorrow is finished. I really want to keep the anniversary of the happiest day of my life, from being marred by one of the saddest.
Sometime this week also, my little brother, leaves for his second adventure in the "sandbox." As a family, this is one of the hardest, and most challenging things we have lived through.... and yet, it carries with it a pride that we cannot match.
This weekend, we will get to see some of our dearest friends. We are each traveling about half the distance between where we live in order to spend some much needed time together.
So much should be said, so many things that are still floating in my head, but they just don't come out right in a blog.
The Bible says "In everything give Thanks." This verse has echoed in my heart these last 6 days. Everything? yes. even this. Is it wrong and heartless to give thanks for the situation we are currently in? It cannot be, for if it were, then a loving, righteous God would never instruct us to "give thanks" in Everthing. So, I am working on my "thanksgiving." For even this.